Just Georgia



Daddy bought her 2 babies cause she's 2.



Yesterday was Georgia's 2nd birthday. Her birth two years ago is one of my happiest memories. It has been such a joy to watch this sweet girl grow. I have been amazed to see her learning to crawl and walk and jump and all these physical feats with no issues--and early at that! She has always been motivated to keep up with her brother.

Georgia is such the girly girl. She doesn't like to get her hands dirty. She likes everything princess and Barbie and Minnie Mouse. She likes dress up and dolls and hairbows.

From birth, Georgia has been my serious girl. You have to earn a smile. But she is also very pleasant and even-tempered and a pretty "easy" toddler ... most of the time ... so far. :) As she gets older, she's getting more and more silly and funny and playful, which is just pure joy to watch.

She can also be pretty spunky and sassy. She has learned the art of screaming from her brother. And Georgia has this look. If you say something she doesn't like--such as no--she will stare you down with the dirtiest look. For like 2 full minutes. It's hilarious.

She's also, in this mama's opinion, very quick and bright and clever. Here are just a few of the things she has said lately that have made me smile.

Me: What color is that dog?
Georgia: Five!

One day she was trying to get up in a chair and was struggling, so cousin Cade went over and helped her up. She said thank you, and Cade said you're welcome. Then she got really close to Cade's face, nose to nose, and whispered "You're welcome." Whispering is her favorite. :) We whisper every night at bedtime. I'll whisper good night, and she'll whisper it back. Then I'll whisper I love you, and she'll whisper it back. And then we both giggle.

When we were on vacation, Georgia was not her happy self. I think it was probably just different surroundings and being excessively tired, but I'm still not quite sure all the reasons. One night she was whining and crying, and she had this conversation with my mom:

Granna: Georgia, you're not happy?

Georgia: (whining) Noooo

Granna: What would make you happy?

Georgia: Um ... a hot dog!

Ha! Maybe she was just hungry. But then the next day somebody asked her her doll's name, and she quickly answered, "Hot dog!" :)

One night on vacation, I kept telling the kids it was time to go to bed, and no one was moving. So I just got up and started walking out of the room and said, "Good night, kids! I'm going to bed!" Georgia didn't even look up from Granna's iphone, where she was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, raised her hand in the air and said, "G'night, mama!" We laughed and laughed ... my bluff did not work.

Also while we were on vacation (I promise to post pics very soon), we went to eat at this restaurant where yo can sit on the deck and watch dolphins in the bay. We were sitting at a snack bar type thing that overlooked the water, and I was keeping a close eye on the kids because it wouldn't have been hard to fall in. Georgia was standing there talking to us and dropped her paci, which bounced off the deck and plunked right in the water. She just stood there stunned, and we all just stood there watching her for her reaction. She didn't even cry, she just couldn't believe it. Ever since, Nate has been talking about the dolphin that now has a pacifier in its mouth. :)

And time outs are a big topic of discussion around here. Of course Nate gets time outs pretty often, but Georgia has only gotten a couple. For the most part, if you tell Georgia no, she gets her feelings hurt and cries. But this afternoon she and I were teasing each other:

Georgia: Go time out!

Me: No you go to time out!

Georgia: No I girl. Nate big boy.

Me: Do girls go to time out?

Georgia: No.

I guess it does look that way in this house so far! Then later she told me, "I be right back. I go time out." Okay!

Nate and Georgia are opposites sometimes. Nate is very emotional and moody--either crazy happy or throwing a fit mad. Georgia is pleasant and even tempered but serious. Nate grew up more slowly, stayed a baby longer, and taught us all kinds of life lessons. Georgia has become a big girl very fast, but I have been able to appreciate what I am watching because of the previous experience.

I look forward to watching her grow up and to see who she becomes, and to be friends with her when she's a grown up. :) Blake and I thank God for our gorgeous Georgia-girl!

Summer Fun

So much to blog about, so little time! :) This is my attempt to catch up on blogging a little. Coming soon: Birthday party and vacation!


This was just a random Friday at OT. I like watching Nate do the monkey bars.

This is a balancing board.

This was from the last day the kids spent at their previous sitter Bekah's house. Georgia will be going back to Bekah's when Nate starts school. They both love it there. This summer we have been fortunate enough to have my cousin Nicole as our nanny here at the house.

This isn't a great picture of Nate but I thought it was cool with the blurred trees out the window, and you can see Georgia's cute pigtails. :)

One day we went to Holiday World with the families from our Bible Study. This was really Nate's first time on kiddie rides, and he loved them.

Nate and Evan checking out each other's swim shoes.

Then we hit up the awesome water park. Nate is such a little fish--he loves the water. He found a kid slide that didn't go too fast or slow, and he could go down it himself and eventually didn't need anyone at the bottom to "catch" him, and he could make his way to the steps by himself, and up the steps and back down. We were so proud of him for being independent like the other kids his age, and we could just sit by the pool and watch him play. He went down that slide at least 100 times. Georgia took some time getting used to the water, but she eventually liked the splash pad. In the afternoon, there came a MONSOON. You'd think since we were already at a water park that we wouldn't mind getting wet, but we were soaked and cold and miserable. We had a great day overall though.

This was on Nate's actual birthday, June 25. I wanted to make it a special day for him. The kids made it difficult. :)

We went to see Cars 2 in the theater. This is only the third time they've been to the movies, and the first time since Georgia was an infant. We made it about 2/3 of the way through the movie before they were running up and down the steps and being loud and disruptive and we just left.

Then there was this huge commotion on the way home--something about Nate losing one of his cars in the theater. We decided to nap and try again later. I took the kids to Dairy Queen for an ice cream.

Then that turned into a huge mess and meltdown. Then I took them to church by myself ... that was fun. Ah, I tried. :) It's funny how we parents see these big days and try to make them special, and to the kids it's just another day to throw a fit.

Nate the Great

This year Team Nate the Great will once again participate in SBAK's awareness walk, this year called the SBAK 2011 Walk-N-Roll for Spina Bifida.

Last year we raised almost $1,200! So this year we are raising the bar with a goal of $2,500. If anyone has some fundraising ideas for our team or wants to help out with a fundraiser for Team Nate the Great, let me know. I'm going to need all the help I can get!

The walk is on October 1, and at SBAK we are hard at work to make this the biggest and best year yet. I'm very excited about it.

And of course if you would like to make a donation to our team, I would really appreciate it. For everyone who makes a donation of any amount, I will send you a Spina Bifida awareness wristband!

Thanks for your support!

My email saga

A few weeks ago, someone/something took over my personal email account and started sending innappropriate emails to everyone in my contact list! So I tried to change my password, and hotmail makes it very difficult to do that! I had to prove that this was my account, and they were asking me all these hard questions, and I failed the test. :( On my own email account. I have begged and pleaded, but I can't get back in. By the way, I have had that email address since about 1998. And I had the coolest email address: ecolleen@hotmail.com. Great, right? Sigh. After weeks of trying to recover my account, I've finally accepted that it's gone. So my new email address (please make note) is:

ecolleenpayne@gmail.com

Not bad. Email me.

SBA National Conference

Last week I flew to Anaheim, California, for my second Spina Bifida Association National Conference. The week was so amazing, that I've spent the last few days wondering how I could even put it into words. I loved every minute of it.


I attended last year's conference in Cincinnati, where I was blown away by what I learned, and I got to meet a few of my Spina Bifida mommy friends. So I was REALLY looking forward to going to California, meeting many more of my mommy friends, and seeing what I would learn this year. Blake and I decided that I would go by myself this year, because it would have been really expensive to fly all of us to California and for registration for all of us, and of course we would go to Disneyland, etc. We weren't even willing to think about flying a long distance with both kids. Plus, in addition to adding to my personal knowledge, I was going for work and would be attending Leadership Institute (for SBA chapter leaders) sessions this year, so I was able to focus more on the conference without the distraction of those pesky kids. :) (They're not really pesky. Okay, sometimes they are.)

One of SBAK's board members, Michele, traveled with me, and I was so glad to have the company. The first night we arrived (Sunday), there was an opening reception. I immediately started recognizing my friends!

Okay, stop here because that is a wierd sentence--I immediately started recognizing my friends. Except for one, I had never met any of them in person before, but they are among my dearest friends. We know each other, each other's kids, each other's problems and successes and abilities and character. Sometimes I think when people talk about meeting people online, it seems dangerous or sketchy or just superficial. Sometimes I think even we might underestimate the "realness" of these friendships. In California, I saw it--this is real. Tears were flowing as we met each other, and left each other. And the conversations started in the middle of conversations, if you know what I mean. There was no awkwardness or getting to know each other. We had never met, but we were reunited. And as I said in the Parent Chat session, I had never been to California before, but in that room full of moms I have been talking to for years, I felt like I was home.

I had to leave early from that reception to attend a reception for executive directors (I'm currently serving as the interim executive director at SBAK). This little party was in the Mickey Mouse Penthouse! It was an awesome suite, and they had great food there, and I had the chance to meet with other ED's as well as the National Office staff.

On Monday morning, I gathered all the people attending from Kentucky--about 15 people--to meet each other. For some of them, this was their first conference, or first time meeting other people with Spina Bifida! To say the least, they were overwhelmed, and it helped to meet people from home so they would see someone they "knew" in the sessions.

About being overwhelmed--that is a very common feeling at this conference. About 850 people attend. I don't know of too many places where you would see more wheelchairs. For some that is very comforting, and for others it's overwhelming. You talk about SB all day long for 3 days. It can be a little much. I think it's especially hard for parent's of young children (you still don't know exactly what issues your child will have, so you try to learn about everything) or people who have never been around a lot of others who have SB. Because I work with SB every single day, at work and in my free time, I felt pretty okay.

Monday morning was spent in the plenary session, which focused on the biggest SB research news this year--or maybe this decade. The MOMS study. For obvious reasons, I was on the edge of my seat--it was fascinating. The doctor who led the trial talked about the results, and then another doctor kind of balanced that out by presenting some limitations of the research.

At lunch I looked around for people I knew to sit with. Oh, here they all are sitting on the floor because there were no tables big enough for the group.

By the way, yes, we did plan that, to all wear our Redefining Spina Bifida shirts on the same day. We had SO MANY people ask us where we got the shirts, what was the story behind them, and where they could get their own! It was a great opportunity to tell people about our friendship and some of the amazing things we've accomplished together.
That afternoon I attended an important Leadership Institute session about some upcoming changes for SBA and it's chapters ... but I had to sneak out an hour early because there was no way I was going to miss the Parent Chat. Parent Chat is what I DO! :) Through playgroups, the message board, etc--I am all about the power of getting some parents together to solve the world's problems. As I have a tendency to do, I kind of took over moderating the chat. Oops. (eh, that nurse wasn't very helpful, lol). As I discovered last year, there is a huge difference in the parents who have the support of playgroups like at SBAK or online support such as the Spina Bifida Kids message board, facebook, and blogs. For us, this was just an extension of that daily conversation. For others in that group, this was the first time they had ever met other parents of SB kids. They felt isolated and confused. We hooked them up with some good resources.
That night was the time we had been waiting for for weeks! A group of us babycenter, blogger, facebook families decided to meet up at another hotel's lobby. It was awesome! It reminded me of my wedding, actually (lol)--for my wedding, my wish was to gather all of my friends and family from all the different states I'd lived in, in the same room. Here, so many of my good friends from across the country were finally gathered in the same room, and many of them had their babies with them! The group pictures were quite an undertaking.

After I got to hold babies, and hear "Where's Nate?" 50 times :) (I missed him!), and hug on each other some more, a few of us went out for dessert. MAN, it was nice hanging out with these girls.

Okay, see that head floating directly to the left of mine? That's Stephanie, and she and I go way back to nearly the beginning of this journey. Her son, Jack, and Nate were both due in August 06 (Nate came in June, Jack came in September) and we were among the first, like, 6 moms on the babycenter Spina Bifida Kids board! Jennifer, far right, came along soon after that. I love all these ladies!

Tuesday was nonstop sessions from 9:15-5:15. You don't even get a break for lunch--they give you a boxed lunch in your session! I spent most of the day in Leadership Institute, but there was on session time that I could attend a regular session. I started in "Ask the Urologist", where I asked them to tell me the name of the test that would tell us whether Nate is able to potty train. These guys said the same thing our urologist said--there's no test that will tell us that, and we have to wait on our stubborn 5 year old to decide he's going to try it. Hmph. I skipped out and hit up the "Ask the Neurosurgeon" session, where I asked about tethered cord syndrome in the fetal surgery patient, and I got a lot of this guy's opinion against fetal surgery, lol. Anyway, both were good. I tried to hit up the Ask the Ortho session too but got there just as it was ending. I love this kind of stuff. I'm a major student-at-heart, and I was just drinking in as much as I could learn. Every now and then I'd look over at the person next to me and say, "This is fascinating, right?"

By that afternoon, my brain was mush. I expected to feel like that, and remember feeling that way last year. So much information. At that point, I was so tired that I started doing what I always do when I'm tired--lose stuff. Somehow between the conference building and my hotel building--which was like a one minute walk--I lost a bottle of diet coke. Had no recollection of laying it down anywhere. I just wanted a nap. But my friends talked me into going to Disneyland. :) And I'm sooooo glad I did. First thing we did was ride Space Mountain, and THAT woke me up.

We were running around the park like little kids. I have to admit, I felt pretty guilty at Disneyland having fun, without my kids and husband! But I know I'll never forget the awesome time we had that night.

At one point, about half the group headed back to the hotel. But Stephanie wanted to ride Space Mountain just one more time! We were out of fast passes, so we waited in line for at least an hour, and screamed our heads off, and got off the ride at exactly midnight. We missed the monorail, so we walked back to the hotel. I was so tired--it was like 3:30am eastern time!--and fell in bed and couldn't move. But it was worth it. :)

Wednesday morning I went to another Leadership Session, then got to go to a session about Bowel Management, something we're very interested in getting started with Nate (if he'll get with the program). I learned a lot and came away with a plan. Afterwards, a bunch of us went to lunch.

Met some famous people...

Then attended one last AWESOME session about learning challenges in children with SB--I have a game plan with that one. And then it was time to say goodbye ...

Again, there were tears and gushing and promises of meeting up next year and hugs. Picture us blubbering saying, "You guys really understand!!!" lol

The last thing of the day was a Town Hall meeting, where people could give feedback about the conference and issues in the SB community. I was so excited that I got to speak with Cindy Brownstein, the CEO of SBA, about my Delivering the Diagnosis project, and she encouraged me to send it to the national office to have them look it over. Yay!
Michele and I went to the airport that evening and met up one last time with Stephanie, whose flight was delayed. We flew out at 9:30pm (12:30am EST) and landed in Atlanta at 4:30am. That was a miserable flight, and neither of us slept. We tried sleeping in the ATL on our FOUR HOUR layover, but that wasn't very successful either. So I flew home, with basically no sleep, and had several appointments and errands to run. I still have not gotten back on a regular schedule. That's why I'm blogging at 1am. But the kids were SO happy to see me! I got a 2 minute hug from Nate, who kept saying, "I missed you so much!"

To all the people who came up to me to give me a hug, tell me how I encouraged you when you were pregnant, or thank me for posting videos of Nate that give you hope--I can't tell you how gratifying it is to hear that, and I appreciate those words so much.

To all my mommy friends who couldn't make it this year--I know you're probably tired of hearing about this, and we did miss everyone who wasn't there. It's expensive, but if there's any way to make it next year, be there. Have a car wash or a spaghetti dinner, or ask your chapter for a scholarship, or ask for funds for your christmas, birthday, and anniversary gift to save up for next year in Indianapolis.

Next year, I'm taking the family. :)

A birthday interview with Nate

It's after midnight, so it's officially Nate's birthday. On this night 5 years ago, I was in Labor and Delivery trying to convince myself and everyone around me that I was not in labor, but Nate wasn't listening. On June 25 around 1pm, all 4 pounds 10 ounces of Nate came out screaming. Sometimes the whole experience--the diagnosis, the fetal surgery, the bedrest, the NICU--feels like yesterday, and other times it is a lifetime ago. When I looked at Nate for the first time, I remember thinking, "So that's what you look like." I studied his face trying to figure out what he would look like when he was a big kid and what kind of personality he would have. I could not have dreamed of a more amazing kid. I would not have dreamed he would be playing T-ball five years from that day. I could not have possibly imagined that I would be working at a Spina Bifida Association chapter and going this weekend to California for the National Conference and to meet oodles of wonderful friends I have come to know on this journey. I really had no idea of the amazing life that would begin that day.

I haven't interviewed Nate in several months, and I thought that would be a good way to record what he's like right now. So I started this evening in the car:

Me: Nate, how old are you going to be tomorrow?

Nate: Five!

Me: Do you know anyone else who's 5?

Nate: Who? Who is it?

Me: I'm asking you.

Nate: Who is it?! I don't know! TELL ME! Waaaaa!!!!

Eek. Bad timing. Try again later.


Later:

Me: What are we going to do at your party?

Nate: I want to have a train birthday.

(I should not have asked that question. I had finally convinced him it would be awesome, after 2 years of train birthday parties, to change things up a bit and have a Cars party. Sigh.)

Me: Moving on. What should we eat at the party?

Nate: Uh, pizza.

Me: What's your favorite food?

Nate: Pizza.

Me: What does it taste like?

Nate: It tastes like cheese. Like the pizza cheese.

Me: What is Mama's favorite food?

Nate: Hmm. Is your favorite food pizza too?

Me: I do like pizza.

Nate: Me too. Daddy, do you like pizza?

Blake: Yeah, I like pizza.

Nate: Georgia, do you like pizza?

Georgia: I wike pizza, Nate.

Nate: She likes pizza too. So, we all like pizza.

Me: Okay, great. How tall are you, Nate?

Nate: 4

Me: Hmm. Okay, how tall is Daddy?

Nate: Is he 32?

Me: Interesting. Who is your best friend?

Nate: Andy

Me: But earlier today you said Daddy was your best friend.

Nate: Andy and Daddy is my best friends.

Me: What do you like about Andy?

Nate: Trains.

Me: He likes to play trains?

Nate: Yeah, I do.

Me: What's your favorite thing about Daddy?

Nate: Trains. I still like trains. I like train movies. I like everything about trains.

Blake: But what do you like about Daddy?

Nate: You like trains too!

Blake: Does Daddy do anything special with you?

Nate: Watch train movies.

Me: Okay, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Nate: An engineer.

Me: What does an engineer do?

Nate: It drives a train.

Me: So you're going to drive a train?

Nate: Yeah, when I grow up, after I'm 5. After I'm 5 I'm going to be 6.

Blake: How old do you have to be to drive a train?

Nate: Taller than 5. I think it's 15.

Me: Are you going to get married?

Nate: I will get married, but when I get taller! I'm alive!
 
Me: (scratches head)
 
 
Happy birthday to my big 5 year old. I couldn't love you any more.

The Thomas obsession lives on

Today was Nate's 3rd annual Day Out with Thomas ... and Papaw and Grandma. I wasn't able to go this year, but Blake took pictures for me. :)

Georgia loves Thomas too, and anything else Nate likes.

One of the reasons I couldn't go along today was because Nate's birthday present arrived! Bunkbeds!!!

With the move from a toddler bed to a big boy bed also comes new bedding, and guess what he asked for. Look how big he looks in his big boy bed.



Sometimes I get sick of hearing about Thomas. But lately Nate has been talking about how cool Justin "Beaver" is, and I realize that Thomas mania is much better than Bieber Fever.

Play Ball!

Nate is playing T-ball this summer. :) I could go on about how amazing that is, but I think you get it. Nate is playing T-ball this summer! It's very cool.

It's a YMCA league for 4 and 5 year olds, and one of our little SB buddies is also on the team, and his dad is coaching it. It's just a great scenario, where we get to hang out with friends and feel comfortable with Nate participating. Apparently I have been missing out on the joy of watching 4 and 5 year olds play T-ball! It is hilarious. They have no idea what they are doing, they are running in circles, they're picking flowers, they're piling on top of each other to get the ball. I love every minute of it.

This video shows a pretty good hit! And then getting lost on the way to first base ...

Blake is out on the field the whole time, cause they need extra coaches to keep all the kids running in the right direction, and to help Nate if needed.

When did he get so big.

Um, then he walked off the field and sat down for awhile. He gets bored in the outfield.

Giving high fives after the game. (Nobody won, nobody lost!)

Last weekend I took some of the adults with SB to a Bats (local minor league team) game.

And since Nate is playing T-ball now, I took him too. Before the game he had a hotdog and fruit, then during the game he ate popcorn, cotton candy, a sno-cone, and ice cream--Ha! And we only made it to the 4th inning! We had a great time, but it was sooooo hot, and once we got past Nate's bedtime I could tell a meltdown was imminent. I was right--it happened in the car. But it was a lot of fun for me to get to take Nate somewhere just me and him (and 20 adults with SB, but who's counting).

Oh, and if you can't tell, we are not athletic people, or even interested in sports. So this venture into T-ball is probably a short lived novelty. :) But we're enjoying it while it lasts.

Running Home!

The therapy god

I am having to come to terms with the fact that when Nate starts Kindergarten in the fall, we are going to have to drop outside therapy. This may not seem like that big of a deal, but I am feeling very anxious about this. Therapy has been part of our lives for 4.5 years now.

When Nate left the NICU, I didn't know anything about First Steps, our early intervention system. A nurse did mention it to me but said Nate would not qualify until/unless he showed a delay, and at the time he was an infant and not showing any delays yet. Well, she was wrong. Nate would have qualified based on his diagnosis of Spina bifida, but by the time I realized this he was 6 months old. Already, he was showing delays, and I really regretted not researching it myself more, and I thought maybe earlier intervention might have helped him. Who knows, maybe it would have, maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. But that was just the beginning of me realizing I needed to be more proactive about Nate's care and options.

Nate's first physical therapist was brand new, and I doubt she's still a PT because she didn't seem to like it much. At least that's what I gathered from her not showing up most weeks. The next PT was okay, but she also failed to show up, without notice, many weeks, and she had a tendency of gabbing more than working with Nate. I was frustrated by Nate's lack of progress, but there were no other options for PT in the town where I lived. Maybe his progression would have been the same, but I always wonder if we had had a better PT if things would have been different.

Then we moved to Louisville. I requested a PT named Dee because a friend recommended her to me. Her first visit, she told me I baby Nate too much and that I need to consider PT my job since I'm a stay at home mom, and obviously I had not been doing that. I was livid. I DID consider that my job. I DID work with him, hours upon hours. Her next visit, she realized she had been wrong. I will never forget when she told me (in reference to Nate not wanting to stand in his walker), "It's not for lack of muscles. He's afraid of being off the ground." That's when Sensory Processing Disorder entered our lives, and within a week of doing the sensory therapies she gave us to do, he was walking down the street and back in his walker. She changed Nate's life. I don't know when we would have ever figured out the secret of Nate's lack of progression if not for her. She was a miracle worker for nearly a year, when Nate aged out of early intervention.

Besides PT, we also did occupational therapy, and at some points also had a developmental interventionist come to the house to check Nate's progress toward developmental goals. Even while he was in First Steps, we started also at Greenhill Therapy, which offers hippotherapy (horse therapy). At some points, he was having therapies up to 5 days a week. This was a grueling schedule. Because not only did we have therapy an hour a day, we also had lots of homework. Every activity became therapy. We didn't just play on the floor. I would make up a game so that he had to stand up and sit down to reach something, or sit in tall kneel position to play at his kitchen, or do activities on the exercise ball. He has never complained too much about therapies. It's just part of life. And for the most part, it's fun. For me, it has been a weekly or daily source of pride, challenge, and anxiety. One day a therapist would tell me how awesome Nate was doing, and the next day another therapist would remind me how far we had to go.

At age 3, Nate aged out of early intervention, and around that same time he started walking independently. When children age out of EI, the state then transfers the responsibility of therapies over to the school system. So Nate started preschool and was offered "the motherload of therapies" as one of his therapists told me. Not only did he get PT and OT, he was also given Speech therapy, which he had never received in EI. But in the school system, the therapies are geared toward helping the child be successful at school. If it's not necessary for his education, they don't work on it at school. For example, there are no stairs at school, so they don't work on them. But we do have stairs at home, and his independence on the stairs at home is always one of our goals for Nate. So we also continued therapy outside of the school system.

We have continued at Greenhill, which we love. They even featured Nate's story in one of their fundraising letters. He's been there for 2.5 years now, and we've had several of the therapists for PT and OT. Riding a horse is like no big thang for Nate now, just something he does once a week. Horse therapy is great for lots of reasons, which I won't go into here. We've also done aquatic therapy with these therapists, and that was so great for Nate. When Nate started preschool, he had a terribly hard time. Even half day was physically exhausting for him, not to mention he had just started walking and had just gotten a baby sister and I had taken away his paci! I think we had 3 days of therapy at Greenhill then, and I reluctantly ended up dropping one of them in late fall because the schedule was too much for him.

Nate currently does OT and PT back to back on Friday mornings during the school year, but we have seperated them for the summer so he doesn't get so tired doing them both on the same morning. His current PT is a really great therapist, but she and I have different personalities. I've known her for a couple of years now, so I know she is tough on Nate, and that's good. Sometimes she's a little too tough though--mostly on me. She often says things to me that sting, but I take them for what they are worth and try to forget the rest.

This week stung a little too much. I was already very anxious for several reasons. I am paranoid about tethered cord right now because Nate's left foot is pointing out, and that's usually his straight foot, and some other reasons. She tried to reassure me that it was because his braces are too short, so I said we would wait for new braces and if that doesn't help, we're going to see the neurosurgeon. Then we started talking about the decision to take Nate out of therapy when he starts Kindergarten. She thought it would be fine to take a break. She said that Nate could probably always (as in, for the rest of his life) use physical therapy, but (and this is when it started going downhill) at some point, Nate is going to reach his physical limit. He does have nerve damage, and you can't correct those deficits. You can only work with what you've got. Then she said that she thinks he could be reaching his physical limit soon. ... He might not progress much more than where he is now physically.

Okay. let me just preface this by saying that Nate is awesome. He is amazing. He is a miracle. He should not be able to do what he is doing, physically. He is walking and running and jumping and dancing. How much more could we ask for? But he still has his challenges. He has a tough time climbing stairs and still usually crawls on stairs. He has trouble getting up off the floor and back down on the floor. He's very unstable and falls a lot. And he just doesn't quite move like other kids can. And that's fine, but we'd like to keep going with therapies to make moving easier for Nate and work all these muscles he has that we never thought he would have.

So when she was saying she thought he might be reaching his physical limit, in my head I was saying "I don't believe you. I don't believe you. I don't believe you" and "We will prove you wrong." I will never put limits on what Nate can do, whether physically or any other way in life. I learned a long time ago that Nate will do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. And he has surpassed all our expectations. So why would I think that is going to stop anytime soon. I let it slide, and told her how I've seen Nate improve at home in the last few months.

We went on to talk about some of the activities Nate will be doing this summer to help his social skills. I said he's always worked with grown ups in therapy, and that's who he likes to play with. She said he'd been "therapized" which I think is a funny and totally true description! We have all been therapized! I am such a believer in therapies that I don't know what we will do without them. My mom also said, "But what if he regresses with no therapies!"

This week my Bible study group started a new study called "No Other Gods" and it takes a look at our false idols in today's world. Whether we spend too much time watching TV to read our Bibles, or we turn to food for comfort, or we work our lives away for money or status or power, everyone has their false gods. These gods can start out as something good--like exercise, or keeping in touch with friends on facebook, or trying to please our husbands. But when we put too much energy and time and faith into these good things, they start to control us.

That's when I realized that therapy has become a god to me. Although we do put thought an effort into Nate's spiritual development, it's not anywhere near the time we have put into his physical development. My mood and outlook on Nate's future can be altered by one therapy session. It has been our priority for 4.5 years now. We have arranged our lives around it. It has consumed our schedules and our thoughts.

I'm not saying that therapy is a bad thing, because I am still a big believer in the power of therapy. I'm just a bigger believer in the power of God. Therapy is a good thing, and it certainly has its place in our lives. Just not the most important place. I have let a good thing become a controlling thing in our lives. And I can't believe it took this long to see it.

So we will continue with therapy this summer, and work hard as we realize that only God knows Nate's full potential. And in the fall, we will take a break, because Nate will be fine without it and will need the extra energy for school. After he gets used to his new schedule, I'm sure I'll be eager to try a new type of therapy to see how it might help him. And I will do my best to keep it in its proper place, after God and family life and the really important things.

Missing GrandBob

I haven't blogged in awhile because I just don't really even know what to say. Blake's stepdad, Bob, died about a week and a half ago. He was 54. He had bone cancer and after undergoing many, many treatments of various types, he'd been given only a few months to live. Then he suddenly was hit with meningitis and quickly passed away.

Bob was Blake's step-dad but had been in the family for more than 22 years. It's impossible to describe a man in a few words, but just a few of my favorite memories of him, off the top of my head, include:

*When I was new to the family, at dinner one night he scolded me by saying, "In this house, we don't leave anything on our plates." Yes, sir. I ate the rest.

*Camping with him and Janie and Blake and, once, Nate too. Bob loved to camp. We would sit out at the picnic table and play the board game Sequence.

*Him barbecuing chickens on his backyard pit. Best chicken ever.

*Seeing him holding both of my newborns.

*After my first miscarriage, him telling Blake that we will see the baby in heaven one day.

*His famous caramel corn he made every Christmas! He tried to teach me how to make it several times, and it just never turned out as good as his. He also made a mean pumpkin roll every Christmas.

*The way he helped Janie in the kitchen. He said they got along best when they were working together. I've always thought they were a compatible, loving couple who took care of each other. (And Janie proved this toward the end as she took such amazing care of Bob.)

*Watching him play with the kids, usually outside. The kids loved their GrandBob, and still do of course.

*I can't look around my house without seeing all the projects Bob did around our house. We were just talking yesterday about how strange it's going to be without Bob. Anytime we have a home improvement project on our minds, the first thing we think of is getting Bob here to help us. He was not only handy, he was very giving of his time and talents.

There are so many more, but I'll stop there.

This is the first death in our close family since we've had children, and I didn't know what to expect from the children. Well, mostly Nate since Georgia is still too young to understand anything. Nate knew that GrandBob was sick because we prayed for him every night. Most nights when I would pray for Bob, Nate would say, "But mama, GrandBob is all better now!" Probably because he looked and acted so healthy. So I read him a book about heaven and explained that GrandBob was in heaven now. When we were on the way to Owensboro for the visitation and funeral, I asked Nate, "Do you remember where GrandBob is now?" He said, "At heaven? It's a happy place, and you get to sit next to God!" Very sweet.

For the visitation, the kids mostly stayed in the funeral home's lounge, where they had food and such. They had a good time playing with cousins, not understanding what a sad time this was for the rest of us. The next day, they were surprisingly good as they sat through the whole funeral. Well, mainly because I was stuffing their little mouths with snacks the whole time so they wouldn't be loud! But I was so proud of how well behaved they were.

Later that day, we were sitting in the back yard with Blake's mom, and out of nowhere Nate asked, "Hey, where's GrandBob?" Blake reminded him that GrandBob is in heaven now. Nate said, "I want him to come back." All three of us let out a sigh. We do too.

This weekend Janie came to visit, and yesterday we had a cookout with friends and family. We had a good time, but we were all very aware that someone was missing. It just won't be the same.

We miss you, GrandBob.