The job, and more

So, my first week on the job is going great! Every other job I've ever started, I've spent the first couple of weeks standing around trying to look busy because I don't know what to do yet, but not so with this job! I've been able to jump right in, and I've been busy, busy, busy! Yesterday I got to talk on the phone with a mom who had a real problem, and I was able to give her resources to actually help her! That's the goal! I'm having a lot of fun, and the women I work with are great.

I have to admit I had my doubts about Blake as a part-time stay at home dad. But he has blown me away with how awesome he's doing! He gets Nate ready for school in the mornings and hasn't forgotten to brush his teeth once so far. :) After that, he has taken Georgia grocery shopping, cleaned, done laundry, run errands, put dinner in the crockpot ... he rocks! Alisa is also doing great. Today I came home to her doing laundry .... ahhhh.

The kids haven't done quite as well as the adults, but they're making progress. Something is up with Nate lately--it started last week, actually, before I even started work. He is extremely defiant and screeches Nooooooooo!!!!! to anything and everything. Some of it may be age appropriate, but he's never acted like this before. He just seems upset all the time. Once last week and twice this week, his teacher has said he's been screaming no a lot, and his therapists have noticed his behavior too. He does like Alisa, and she's pretty good with him. He calls her his "baby" or his "baby sister" instead of his babysitter. :)

Poor Georgia doesn't like bottles. On Monday, she took 3 ounces, which was major progress. Yesterday she took about an ounce and a half, and today she didn't want it at all. She's eating a good bit of baby food and nurses a lot when I get home, but I still worry about her. Everyone says "If she's hungry enough, she'll eat!" but she's pretty stubborn! Monday she wailed most of the day, but she's been pretty happy the last couple days. When someone leaves the room, she cries so pitifully as she crawls after them out of the room. :) It's actually pretty funny. I think Alisa is taking the kids to the zoo tomorrow, so I'm sure they'll have a great time.

Picture time!

This is one of Nate's new tricks that he just taught himself. (Also, yesterday when we were at a friend's house, he climbed halfway up a ladder on a swing set all by himself before he started hollering for help. :) I was really proud of him for being so brave.

This was at SB clinic last week. I thought this was really cool because I remember when I was pregnant with him sitting in this waiting room watching the other kids playing these video games.

Pretty Georgia

Somebody gave us this robe as a baby gift--hilarious :)

Here are some pictures from the Easter Egg hunt Saturday.

We had never met this little boy before, but he and Nate were just the same size and got along great.

Georgia--"Nobunny's cuter"

The Easter bunny was there!

The end.

My last week as a stay at home mom ...

was busy! I have found myself literally running from place to place.

Monday we went to Vanderbilt for Spina Bifida clinic, and it was really boring and almost a waste of our time, which is just how we like it! No excitement! The kids and I went down there by ourselves because Blake couldn't get away from work, but we had a great helper anyway. Memaw and GrandBob just happened to be at Vandy that day for a long day of appointments for Bob, and Memaw handled Georgia for me so I could wrangle Nate. We somehow ended up with the greatest room ever, with a TV and toys, but there was still screaming and poopy diapers and lots of drama. Thank goodness for Memaw! (But hate that Bob had to be there.)

Tuesday and Wednesday, our new nanny came along with us to therapies! Her name is Alisa, she is the one who offered to do laundry, and that's all I'm going to say about nannies right now! :) I can tell she's going to be great with the kids.

Then Thursday and Friday, we went on a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge (waterpark) in Cincinnati! This is the closest we've been to a vacation in two years, and we had a blast! Nate was looking forward to it all week. Blake told him about it on Monday, and he immediately ran to the door saying "Let's go!" :) I guess Blake talked up the water slides, because the whole way there he kept saying "It's too scary." But by the end of the first night, he was telling Granna, "It wasn't scary!"

When we first got there, I had to feed Georgia, but I saw Nate and Blake checking out the slides. In the kiddie pool, there were two little slides and two bigger, winding slides. They were for little kids, but they were still pretty impressive slides. Nate wanted to go on one of the bigger ones, but if Blake took him to the top, there was no one waiting to catch him at the bottom. So he decided to wait. We played around the kiddie pool, splashed in the wave pool, floated along the lazy river, and just generally ran around like we were all little kids. Georgia wasn't quite as impressed as the rest of us. The water was a bit too chilly for her, and she just kept giving us looks like, "Where the heck ARE we?" Nate wanted to go up this playground structure that had steps leading to a really tall tree-house like thing. Well, he walked up holding on to the railing and Blake's hand, but on the way down, when Blake went to grab his hand, he said, "No, I do it myself!" and for the first time ever, Nate walked down stairs by himself! We were SO proud of him. There was lots of giggling and just really enjoying each other.

Then we got to check into our room, and it was so neat! There was a "wolf den" with bunk beds for Nate to sleep in, and it had its own TV. He kept running in and out, giggling! We ordered some food to be delivered and while we waited we went down to the "Cub Club" where there are toys and crafts and coloring. Nate played leggos with some other kids while Georgia crawled around and even stood holding on to a toy. She's crawling so great now! I need to post a video.

After we ate, it was time to go out to the lobby for "pajama story time." Nate was so cute--he made his way to the front row and sat down with the other kids. Georgia and I sat a couple rows back, and it didn't even phase him. I love that he is big enough (and able enough) to do this kind of stuff now! Afterwards we went back to the room, and Nate kept saying, "It's not bed time, it's not bed time" because he was having too much fun to sleep.

Let me back up and say that Blake left my purse at home sitting by the front door! And the worst thing was that my camera was in my purse (along with every other essential thing). So we stopped at Walmart on the way there Thursday to get Nate some water shoes and Georgia some swim diapers, and I bought a little $10 digital camera. I had been wanting to get one for Nate to take pictures with anyway. Well, it was Friday morning before I got around to opening it, then I needed batteries, so I went down the the gift shop and paid $4.99 for four double A's, only to discover when I got back to the room that the camera takes AAA's! The gift store clerk was nice enough to exchange the batteries, so I took a cute picture of Nate and the kids before we went in the park. Well, Nate was ready to do the big slide. Blake took him up there, and I took a picture of him getting on the slide. Next thing I see is Nate coming around the curve face first, screaming! He splashed into the water, and I had to pull him up out of it, while he cried and his face was bleeding. :( In the midst of this, a lifeguard who was wandering around asks, "Is your camera waterproof?" Ugh, I let it go under water!!!!! And of course it didn't work at all after that. Anyway, back to Nate, he somehow hit his face on the slide and scraped up his chin pretty bad and his noes a little. He didn't notice it much while we were at the park, but after we left, he kept saying his chin hurt and asked Blake to kiss it. Then he seemed so confused as to why it STILL hurt after the boo boo kiss! Kids are so innocent. :) He had Blake kiss it about a hundred times.

I just wanted to say that staying at home for almost exactly three years has been a really special time of my life. I don't know what is in store for me in the future, but it seems unlikely I'll ever be a stay at home mom again. It has been a hard job, but also so enjoyable. I loved that whenever I had a sick kid, there was no worrying about taking off work or all that I had to get done. We just dropped everything, stayed home and cuddled. I love that with Nate I was there to see every single milestone and every little tiny step leading up to each of them. I have loved being Georgia's entire world for 8 months. And as I was typing that sentence, she just pulled up for the very first time! I have loved being completely immersed in my kids for three years and focusing on basically nothing else. It's definitely time for me to go back to work, especially for this particular job, but of course it will be hard for me. I think I'm most worried about Georgia, because she's such a mama's girl. Or maybe Blake and Alisa because she is such a mama's girl. :) Or maybe I'm most worried about me because she's such a mama's girl and I will miss her so. I think Nate will do just fine because he's used to preschool and is willing to stay with anyone as long as they'll play with him. I remember when I first quit my job three years ago, I had big plans for cleaning out closets and having all our meals planned a week in advance and keeping all our photos in scrapbooks. Well, none of that happened. But I have no regrets. When it comes to the things that mattered, I took full advantage of the opportunity.

Today is my first official day of work, at an Easter Egg Hunt for the SBAK. I now have the next big adventure ahead of me, and I'm ready! Well, first I have to shower, then off I go!

Okay, that's long enough

Here's what happened:

I wrote something that I thought was funny about my search for a nanny, and someone made an anonymous rude comment, something about me being a nightmare to interview for. I deleted it, and the person made another comment, something about being "censored" on my blog, and I responded something like, "Thanks for your concern, but this is actually just my family blog, not really public domain ...." Next thing I know, I have many people making really rude and even hurtful comments (one about how if I was a real woman I'd stay home with my kids), and it turns out there is a craigslist ad by the original commenter directing people to my blog. So I reported the ad to craigslist and they removed it, I deleted the nanny search blog entry, I made my blog private, I increased security for who could find it, and I removed some personal information from the blog and from the SB message board.

Of course the first thing you wonder is whether its one of the nannies I wrote about (and changed their names). It wasn't. A couple weeks ago, a friend suggested I add a "statcounter" to my blog, and I tried it out. For a few days, it was really interesting to see that people were happening upon the blog from several different countries! Cool! Then I forgot about it. So when I got the first rude comment, I went to the stat counter, which showed it came from Rhode Island. I don't know anyone in Rhode Island. Yet this person chose this as their hill to die on. That is also how I found the craigslist ad.

I guess I can see how someone might have been offended by the nanny blog if that is the only thing they had read of my blog and didn't know me, and I regret being quite so .... sassy. So that post is removed.

But I'm not going to stop blogging, because this is where I record my memories, and this is a big time in my life, and I want to remember this. A friend of mine said, "You're going to have to be more careful about what you put online about your family" and at first I agreed, but you know what? That is intentional. When I was pregnant with Nate, I found absolutely nothing hopeful about Spina Bifida online. No stories about normal childhoods, no pictures of typical looking kids who just happened to have SB, no stories about the families' lives outside of surgeries and pain, both physical and emotional. So I have chosen to be very open about my and my family's life from the get-go.

I have to admit that a perfect stranger deciding to go so far as to make a craigslist ad about me really shook me up. I don't understand why someone would go to such lengths about a stranger. I grudgingly take certain precautions (not make the blog as easy to find unless someone has a link to it), but I am just going to continue the blog and hope my stalker moves on.

Dear stalker,
I'm sorry I offended you. I have deleted the post. Please let me have my blog back.
Thank you,
Colleen

I'm taking a break

I'll resume blogging in a few weeks.

My Nanny Diaries

Never mind

I'm going back to work.

Let me give a little background here, because I've never written about how we got to Louisville and how I came to be a stay at home mom.

Blake and I got married in August 2003 after I finished coursework for my master's degree. We moved to Richmond, KY, and I worked at a job not worth mentioning for 6 months, then I got a job at Berea College as a writer in their Development department. I loved that job, I really did. We bought a house in Berea and settled in. When I got pregnant with Nate, I had no intention of quitting work. I'd never even given thought to being a stay at home mom. Even after we got Nate's diagnosis, and I went to Nashville for 3 months for the MOMS study, I always intended to go back to work, and I did when Nate was 3 months old in the fall of 2006. We had excellent child care there, and everything was going fine. But he was sick a lot that winter, and in January, he was hospitalized for a week with RSV. Also, I wasn't happy with his physical therapy and felt like there was never enough time for me to work with him on something so important. All of a sudden, work wasn't quite so accomodating to all the sick time I was using, and I started feeling weirdly restless.

One evening I was at Walmart strolling through the book aisle and found a book about how to enjoy being an at home mom. I have no idea why I bought it, but I read the whole book that night and felt God dealing with me. Blake called me on his way home from work, and I said, "I think God wants me to quit my job." Well, what do you say to that? Nothing. There is nothing to say to that. You just have to do it. It's not that I think God wants all moms, or even all special needs moms, to stay at home. But for some reason, he wanted me to stay at home. And it's not like we could actually afford to live on one income. It was not easy. Blake took a second job so that we could pay off some bills, and I combed through every expense we had to see what we could cut. After a couple months, I left my job, and we just trusted that God would be faithful to us if we were faithful to him.

About seven months later, Blake was laid off from his day job as a mortgage loan officer at Countrywide. They closed the whole office down. But they did offer to transfer him to a different office in Knoxville, TN. It promised bigger pay, and he could finally quit his second job waiting tables (which he had done all that time despite hating it, bless his heart). So we prayed about it and put our house up for sale. For six months, Blake commuted 2 hours each way to Knoxville, before we finally sold our house and moved to Tennessee. We tried to get out of it several times, but God was insistent that we move to Knoxville. Fine. Except that no sooner did we get down there and get unpacked, that office closed too and Blake was laid off again! Well, now what? Blake applied and interviewed for some jobs in Knoxville and in Lexington, and nothing was working out. One day his mom suggested looking for something in Louisville, so he went right home and looked online for jobs, applied for one, and within minutes, he got a call about it! The next day he interviewed, and he was hired! I have to tell you, we sometimes still scratch our heads about why God wanted us to move to Knoxville for two months, but I know there was a reason!

So we moved to Louisville in August 2008. I actually was not all that happy about it and didn't think I'd like Louisville, but hey, you go where the job is. The only thing I was excited about was being closer to our families and the Spina Bifida Association of Kentucky. I had tried to get involved with them when living in Berea, but the distance made it difficult. Well, I soon started to love Louisville! We found wonderful therapists for Nate, a great church, there was so much to do, we really like our house ... it feels like home. By Christmas we were pregnant with Georgia, and though it was still difficult living on one (commission=unstable) income, we still felt like God wanted me to be at home so I planned to delay going back to work until Georgia went to preschool at age 3.

Last summer, I finished my thesis, Nate started walking, and I had Georgia all within a couple of months. I was so happy about each of those things, just on top of the world at accomplishing all these things we had worked so hard for. So I was surprised when I started feeling that restless feeling again ... like I didn't know what I was supposed to work toward next. I thought it was just post-baby hormonal stuff, then I thought I was just getting burnt out and just needed some help, then I blamed it on the zoloft. :) I prayed about it, asking God to help me really enjoy staying at home again. I know it's a hard job, and I also know the rewards, but I couldn't shake that restless feeling.

Last Thursday, I got a call from Jennifer, the program coordinator at the SBAK. She told me she was leaving her position for a job closer to her home that wouldn't require her to have such a long commute. We've gotten to know and love her in her 18 months at that job, so I was very sad that she wouldn't be such a part of our lives anymore. But as we were talking, God was saying "HEY!!! HEY, YOU! APPLY FOR THAT JOB!!!" (He doesn't yell at you? Maybe he knows he needs to yell for me to hear him.) I talked to Patty, the director, on Monday, had an official interview on Wednesday, and accepted the position on Friday. Wow.

I can read the job description for this position and look back over the last few years and see how God has been preparing me for all aspects of it. I wasn't ready 3 years ago. He gave me the experience of working in a nonprofit (Berea College) in fundraising. He let me experience all the emotions that go along with having a child with SB. He gave me a message board full of SB mommies to attend to. He let me go through all the frustrations of medicaid to figure out how to do it so I could share it with others. He gave me my professional project about helping doctors deliver the diagnosis. And I'm convinced that one of the reasons for all that was to prepare me for this job. Oh, and get this--part of the job will be blogging and facebooking for the SBAK. Dude, is this job not tailor-made for me? How awesome is our God?

Not staying at home anymore is going to be bittersweet. I think this job is right where I need to be and that I'm doing the right thing. Although being with the kids 24-7 drives me crazy sometimes, I'm going to seriously miss them while I'm at work. (It took me 2 minutes to write that last short sentence because of one child or the other crying or requesting something.) Overall I'm very, very excited about going back to work and about the job in particular.

I have to line up childcare. Right now we're thinking that Blake will stay home in the mornings (part-time stay at home dad!), then someone will come to our house to watch the kids in the afternoon until I get home. That "someone" is the question. We're looking into several options, but if someone reading this knows someone, let me know. There's lots of do, like shopping for work clothes and figuring out what to do about therapy. But I know it's all going to work out because that's how God works!

What GEORGIA said today!

This is no longer a blog just about what Nate says! My lil girl said her first word ..... mamamamamamama! Yay!!!!! Nate's first word (after "hi!") was dadadadada, so it was my turn. :)

Poor little thing is sick with a ear ache and fever and pouring nose and eyes and maybe a sore throat. She's on an antibiotic and tylenol and is starting to mend. But a couple days ago, I was up with her in the middle of the night trying to get her to go to sleep, and she kept moaning mamamamamamamama. I thought, nah, she's just babbling. But the next day she was in her crib calling for me again! So I'm calling that her first word. Blake is jealous.

Some quick updates:

Saturday I got to go visit a spina bifida baby at the hospital! And her parents, of course, but baby Lila was just precious. That was the first time I've gotten to meet another newborn in the hospital, so it was neat. Blake usually says this SB networking is my thing, but he decided to go with me, and he really enjoyed getting to speak with Lila's dad. Nate enjoyed running around like a maniac and showing them what he could do.

That afternoon, we got to go to a wedding for Blake's cousin Leslie and her guy Mikey. Very sweet couple, glad to see them married. After the last wedding we went to, when Nate cried as the bride walked down the aisle, our goal this time was just to keep our brood quiet. Nate ended up writing all over my Bible study book with a sharpie, and Georgia was trying to eat the program, but they made barely a peep so it was a success!

When I got Georgia dressed, Nate said, "Princess Georgia!"

Nate had a BALL with his cousin Daniel. They chased each other around the dance floor. Today Nate said, "We need to go play with my friend Custin." I said, "You mean your friend Justin?" He said, "No, Custin." It took me a minute, but I figured out he was talking about his cousin! He missed him! He said, "We ran around and around at the wedding party. He's taller than me." hehe

Sunday was my birthday, and Blake made breakfast then the kids and I went shopping. When we got home, Nate wanted to take a walk (run) down the street, then we played in the yard. It was a beautiful day, and it felt so good to sit in the sun after a long winter! Both kids were pulling up grass (weeds) like there was no tomorrow, but this was Georgia's first experience in the grass, and she wanted to taste it!

Monday, I propped G up at the toy basket for these pictures ....

Then I turned my head for a second and she fell on her face. Oops. She's not quite ready for that unless I'm right there holding her.

Every day when I pick Nate up from school, I say, "How was school?" and he always says, "Good." If I don't ask him this immediately, he asks himself, haha. Monday I asked if they had talked about dinosaurs because that's what the teacher had said they were studying this week, and he went on and on about dinosaurs. I couldn't understand some of it, but I did catch, "When I was a dinosaur, I was RAWR-ing!"

When we got home, Nate wanted to take a walk. There he goes!

And Georgia got to sit like a big girl in her stroller for the first time instead of in her carrier.

They are so cute holding hands!

Tuesday, the gorgeous weather continued, and we played outside and took a walk between school and PT. The highlight for me was Nate sitting on the sidewalk playing with dirt and watching a bird hop by and saying in the softest voice, "Where ya going, pretty bird?" Last week, he told me in that same soft sweet voice, "I'm a tough man!"

Yesterday and today have just been about taking care of a sick baby. I also wanted to share these pictures from last week. I found Nate an Easter outfit at Target, of all places. Every year, I search and search for a cute boy Easter outfit, and every year I am disappointed by the boring and sparse selection. Of course I was so excited about shopping for Georgia an Easter dress that I bought it last fall, haha. Well I was at Target a couple weeks ago and found the cutest little outfit that just happens to match G's Easter dress. At home I wanted to try it on him, and oh my goodness, it is absolutely adorable. I went on about it so much that Nate didn't want to take it off. He said, "I want to wear this costume!" :) So I negotiated with him that if he took his Easter costume off, he could put his Scooby costume on. Kids are hilarious.

We have another big weekend ahead of us, so I hope Georgia gets better quick ... and Nate doesn't catch it!

My First 30 Years

When I graduated high school, I had big plans: I was going to be a big time journalist in a major city. My goal was to be very good at something that was very important. I really had no thoughts about marrying or having children in my 20s because I just wanted to focus on my career.

Today, on my 30th birthday, I've been thinking about those plans I had. At first glance, I have completely failed. I'm not a big time journalist. In fact I am unemployed. I don't live in a cute flat in New York City. Instead I have toys strewn all over my living room in Kentucky.

But I don't feel like I have failed in the least. I still write, but now it's recording memories of my children's lives on this blog and encouraging other moms a Spina Bifida message board. And, hey, I was recently published in Exceptional Families Ky with my story about Nate.

I may not be employed, but I think I have one of the hardest jobs on earth! Being a stay at home mom requires constantly putting yourself second and ungrateful little balls of energy first. It means the heavy responsibility of shaping little lives and preparing them for their own futures. Add some special needs into that, and over time I've become a medical doctor, physical therapist, and activity director.

I don't live in Chicago, New York, or L.A., but I love living in Louisville because my husband has a good job here, and my son has every opportunity for therapies he could ever need, and we have a church that we adore, and in a short time we have formed deep, wonderful friendships. Just this week, I was again in total awe of God's intricate plan to bring us here for so many good, life-changing opportunities.

When I thought I wanted to be very good at something that was very important ... I was thinking too small with the journalism thing. God had WAY bigger plans for me than I ever could have dreamed up. He gave me such an amazing, important responsibility with this family of mine. I don't think I'm always very good at it, but with his help I'm making progress all the time.

If someone would have offered me this life when I was 18, I probably would have passed on it for the opportunity at career accomplishments. But I was an idiot. There are no accomplishments greater than these:

Thanks, God.

An Interview with Nate about Granna.

Today is a special day. Why is today special?
It's Monday! You blow out the candles! (blow) Granna's birthday!

How old is Granna?
5

What present would she like for her birthday?
A train present for me! That was a good idea.

What will she eat for her birthday dinner?
Cake! Blow out the candles and we'll sing Happy Birthday! (starts singing Happy Birthday to Granna) Granna say yay! yay! yay!

What does Granna do for her job?
Blow the candles and eat cake.
Asked him again.
Um, make honey.

What is your favorite thing about Granna?
Granna comes in and says Happy Christmas!

What does she like to play with you?
Trains! Cars! Trucks!

What's her favorite train?
Skarloey!

Is Granna someone's mama?
You!

What does she look like?
You!
What color hair? Brown
What color eyes? White and black and blue!
Is she tall or short? Short (Um, no she's not.)
Is Granna pretty? Yeah! She got a necklace on her.

What does she do well?
Happy!

What is she not good at?
Sad.

What color is your room at her house?
Green!

What else does she have in your room there?
Talk to Pops.

What kind of bed does she have for you?
Bunk beds!

What else does she have at her house?
Toys! Trains!

What does she cook best?
Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. Mashed potatoes.

What does Granna always say to you?
Yes! (compared to when I asked him this about me, and he said no. Mmm hmm.)

What present would you buy for her?
Umm, a train present. You'd like some trains, and I'd like some trains too!

What's her favorite food?
Mashed potatoes and potatoes!

If you could go anywhere with Granna, where would you go?
To maybe Pop's.

Who is Granna's favorite person?
You!

What is something that Pop loves about Granna?\
Oh, happy!

Happy birthday, Granna! Nate says you should eat some cake! Love you!

Quick Update

Saturday--Went to music class to make up for the one we missed on Friday on account of me losing my mind. Georgia looked mildy horrified with this game.

Later we went to church, and Nate was such a mess (meds) that we decided to put G in the nursery and take him to big church, but he wouldn't sit still so I marched his little butt to kid church.

Sunday--Honey Do day! We got pictures up on the walls, new shelves in the laundry room (which makes me happier than I care to admit!), and other crazy fun things like new toilet seats installed. :) One has a built in potty seat! Memaw, GrandBob, Aunt Sunny, and Koko all came by to visit. Lots of fun. We upped Nate's meds and expected the worst, but strangely enough, the moodiness went away. Hmm. Now he's tired and only as moody as he ever is. :)

Monday--Took Georgia to the dermatologist about her hemangiomas. He said leave them be. Nate had school pictures and I wasn't very hopeful when I picked him up and he had food crumbs all over his face and boogers in his nose and he told me he cried, but the next day his teacher said he had a big awesome smile. So I'm looking forward to seeing them.

Tuesday--Ugh, Tuesday is always our toughest day. I had an 8 am dentist appointment. Finally finished my extensive dental work and don't have to go back for another 6 months. I now have the most expensive mouth in the commonwealth of Kentucky. And we had aquatherapy. Nate can swim a few feet by himself now!

 

Georgia is his cheerleader.

Today--Nate had hippotherapy and rode Captain for the first time. Captain is a big horse.

Then I got to go to dinner with the girls from my women's Bible study, without kids, and it was really fun! Very much needed.

It's been a busy week. I have a special blog planned for tomorrow, so stay tuned. :)