Conversations about Spina Bifida

Last weekend my kids were out on the back deck playing so nicely in the sand table while I got some peace and quiet. It started to storm, so I went to get them and saw that they were totally covered in sand. I should have been suspicious of the quiet. Georgia had dumped sand in her hair, and it took forever to wash out. Nate had sand in his shoes and braces, and I was taking them off and dumping the sand out when he said:

Nate: Mama, I'm the only one who wears braces. I just realized that today.

Me: (Smiling a little at him using the word "realized" so seriously and yet a little sad that he had realized he was different) Well, you're the only one in our family who wears braces. But Daddy is the only one in our family who wears glasses. And I'm the only one in the family who has a baby in her belly. And Georgia's the only one who wears tutus. We're all different.

Nate: But I'm the only kid in the world who wears braces.

Me: That's not true. We know lots of kids who wear braces. Our friend Brock wears braces. Our friend Ian wears braces. That little boy, Brendan, you met last night, he wears braces. All those kids at Spina Bifida camp last weekend wear braces.

Nate: Really?

Me: Yes! Do you know why you wear braces? Remember how they make you run faster?

Nate: Well, other kids run fast and they don't wear braces. But not as fast as me!

Me: Really, you wear braces because you have Spina Bifida.

Nate: Oh! So everyone who has Spina Bifida wears braces?

Me: ..... (simple 5 year old answer) Pretty much.

Later...

Me: So do you feel better about wearing braces?

Nate: Yeah. I thought I was the only kid in the world who wears them. But I'm not.

And then he moved on. Up until lately, Nate has been pretty oblivious of all this Spina Bifida stuff. I try to tell him about it, but it doesn't sink in. But since his surgeries, he asks me about it sometimes, and we talk about it in simple terms. Just today I overheard Nate and Georgia talking:

Georgia: Nate, you have Spina Bifida.

Nate: Yeah, I do! We know lots of people with Spina Bifida! ... What do you have?

Georgia: .... I have Spina Bifida too.

Then we went to the park this afternoon, and there was a little girl there named Kylie.

Nate: There's a girl at school named Kylie. And she uses a wheelchair!

Me: Oh, I know Kylie! Did you know she has Spina Bifida?

Nate: Like me! But she doesn't go to your work. (Spina Bifida Association of Kentucky)

Me: Yes, she does, sometimes. :)

So most of the time, it's just how I've hoped the conversations would go. Spina Bifida is just a fact, just a part of our lives, but it's not (usually) talked about with sadness at all. I absolutely refuse to treat Nate with pity. We all have our "thing" and this is his thing. I don't really have a rule book about how these conversations should go, and I know there will be many more in the future, but so far Nate is handling it all very well.