Dear Baby Bo

It's 10:30 pm on the night before you are to be born by scheduled c-section. I'm eating a bowl of popcorn because I'm not supposed to eat or drink after midnight. Before we meet tomorrow, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on my pregnancy with you. For nearly 9 months now, it's been just you and me. Tomorrow I will have to share you. :)

It hasn't been my easiest pregnancy. It hasn't been my hardest either. Nate takes that prize. But after my pregnancy with Georgia, I thought my body just handled pregnancy really well. Add in taking care of your two siblings and a full time job and the hottest summer on record ... it wasn't so easy this time. I've been tired. I've been uncomfortable. I've had really bad heartburn. And vertigo! That's a new one! How did you make that happen? My feet have swollen up to 3 times their normal size. A few weeks ago I decided I would resign myself to wearing my favorite flip flops every single day, even with dress clothes to work, and while I was just sitting at my desk, one of the straps popped off. I felt like the hulk. I had to buy new shoes, in a bigger size, and they are still too small. I really hope my feet go back to their original size. Tonight my feet are especially bad. Your daddy is horrified and is not hiding it well.

I've had some interesting cravings. During the first trimester, you only wanted fruits and vegetables. I couldn't eat unhealthy even if I tried. You wanted salad and watermelon and pineapple. I ate so much pineapple! Then it started giving me heartburn.  By the second trimester, you mellowed a little and allowed me some sweets. That's when I started craving banana pudding. There's a Kroger down the road from work that had pretty awesome banana pudding. And miraculously, Chik-Fil-A came out with a banana pudding milkshake. I also ate more Taco Bell Nachos Bel Grande than I have in all the years since college. And in this last trimester, my only real craving has been ice. I need ice all the time. Probably a little anemic, sorry.

Thankfully, the one really cool thing my body does is not gain much weight during pregnancy. Last check I had gained 8 pounds. You wouldn't be able to tell it by looking at me though--I have had this ridiculously large belly, showing pretty good since about 16-18 weeks. At 37 weeks, I get looks of horror and amusement when I am out and about. The Shrek feet probably don't help.

I have to admit, I've had an underlying anxiety my whole pregnancy with you. A couple of times I realized I was just waiting for something bad to happen. I felt like a ticking time bomb. Mainly I was worried you would be premature or that my uterus would just pop open at some point. I'm so relieved that you have stayed put and look healthy, and I'm confident in your safe delivery tomorrow. I guess I finally realized, thanks to some good friends, that all this fear is just a lack of faith. Do I trust God? Do I really know that he loves you even more than I do? Yes, I trust God. I have no reason to fear.

About your name: Bowen Robert. Bowen was my last name until I married your daddy. It's pretty cool having a maiden name that you can give a child for a first name. Last year I was listening to the radio, and there was some Christian singer, I can't even remember who now, who said he had two little boys named Bo and Tate. I thought that was the cutest thing ever. Then I realized I already had a Nate and all I needed was a Bo. I don't think our family would have ever been complete without a Bo! Just fyi, Bowen was on our list of names each pregnancy. It was our leading name with baby #1, but when we saw Nate on ultrasound, he just did not look like a Bo. He looked like a Nate. It was also on the list for #2 had she been a boy. I was so glad I could finally use your name the 3rd go round ... and that you looked like a Bo on ultrasound!

Your middle name, Robert, is after a very special man you'll never meet. Daddy's stepfather, Bob/GrandBob, died way too young from cancer last year. He was a good man, and we promise to tell you about your namesake. I don't really know how things work up in heaven. Maybe you've already met him.

I can't wait to see who you look like. Whether you have red hair like me and Nate or brown hair like Daddy and Georgia. It sure would be a shock if you had blonde hair! Honestly, we'll all be surprised if you have much hair at all. Nate and Georgia were both pretty much bald for the first year.

Oh, your brother and sister are so excited to meet you!!! It's going to be Nate's 3rd day of first grade, so he wants to go to school and then come to the hospital right after school to see you. He says he's going to help by changing your diapers. We'll see! I have to warn you that Georgia will probably be your second mommy. She is always trying to hug you through my belly and talk to you and hear what you have to say. She says she's going to feed you bottles and give you your paci when you cry. Keep an eye on those pacis. She only stopped taking one a few months ago, and I see the way she looks at the ones we've bought you! They are great kids, and you're so lucky to have them as your siblings. If you decide to like trains, you'll fit right in.

Well, kid, I have to get up really early in the morning to go to the hospital to meet you. I'm going to try to get some rest, but I know I probably won't sleep much. Take it easy on me in the next few weeks, ok? I really don't do well with sleep deprivation. And just go along with the nursing thing without giving me too much trouble. It will be easier on both of us. I love you before I've even met you! See you tomorrow, baby boy.

Love,
Mama