This blog is to keep family and friends updated on the new and cute things Nate, Georgia and Bo do ... because I can never remember them long enough to tell people.
So I can't believe it, but I'm nine months old today! Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday I was drooling and crying like a little baby. Wait, that WAS yesterday!
I'm a pretty cool baby. At least my mom thinks so. I thought I'd tell you a little about myself.
I have a little hair, but the color is undeterminable. Could be blonde, red, or brown.
I have pretty blue eyes and eyelashes for miles.
My first tooth popped through this past weekend! I can't exactly chew stuff yet, but everyone is very excited.
I have just figured out how to army crawl about a foot in any direction and around in circles. It's so much harder than people carrying me everywhere, so I'm not thrilled with it, but I see the potential for grabbing my brother and sister's toys and getting into other trouble.
I really like pulling hair. A lot.
I'm still nursing when mama's around and I drink formula at the babysitter's house. I also eat stage 2 baby foods three times a day. I like fruit and sweet veggies the best, but I don't mind the green veggies either. Not a fan of the chicken and noodles baby food Daddy picked out.
I'm sleeping through the night now. It's what us big kids do. I sleep from about 8pm-6am and when I do occasionally wake up I don't usually need a snack anymore. It's pretty cool for everyone.
Smiling is my favorite! What can I say, I'm a happy boy! Except when I'm constipated.
For a baby, I give really great hugs. People love em.
I'm not proud of this, but I still like to be swaddled sometimes. I don't HAVE to be, but sometimes I choose to be, okay? Don't judge me.
I still like my wubbanub (pacifier) but only when really sleepy. We can probably do away with that soon. I'll be okay.
I say Da-Da a whole bunch, but never Ma-Ma. My favorite thing to say, though, is Eh. Eh eh eh EH! Eh! It can mean anything, really. Good morning, gimme that, look at that fish, etc. I also say it when Nate and Georgia are talking loud and I want to be like them.
It's been a fun nine months! But ... mama says I can have cake on my actual birthday. Come on, August!
I'm not proud of this, but I have to admit that I am extremely critical of myself. I didn't use to be this way. One time I did a Bible study about how women talk to themselves so critically inside their heads, and I didn't relate to it at all. I have a pretty positive self-image, I thought to myself. But I guess when you add Three Kids and a Big Job, things start getting really real. I'll tell you my secret (which is probably not a secret to anyone): I'm in way over my head here. Not that this is helpful or an excuse in any way, but no one ever told me how much work having three kids is! Everyone (including myself) said, "Oh, the transition from one to two is harder than the transition from two to three" and "What's one more?" I'll tell you--it's a lot more! And I wouldn't trade anyone places for anything because I absolutely love my family and my life. I'm just sayin. Three kids is a lot of work. And my job? I am daily reminded that I am in many ways not qualified for it. I pray on my way to speaking engagements. I pray before employee evaluations. I pray for families when I don't know how to help them. And I pray before fundraising events that no one yells at me and I don't make a total fool of myself. Three Kids + Big Job = More than I can handle. Daily, I am humbled about not being enough.
Without even realizing it, this is my inner monologue:
I should keep this house cleaner.
I should do a load or two of laundry every night.
I should make a chore chart for the kids!
I should cook more often.
I should take my lunch every day.
I should eat less junk.
I should drink more water.
I should play outside with the kids more often.
I should be more intentional about teaching them about God.
I should read my Bible more.
We should be in church every Sunday.
We should travel more!
We should stay home more weekends.
I should sign the kids up for summer activities.
I should limit the kids' activities so they have more unstructured play time.
I should call my friends more.
I should be more patient with the kids.
I should do exercises and stretches with Nate at home.
I should spend more one on one time with Georgia.
I should sing and read to Bo more often, like I did with the other two.
I should work more hours.
I should be home with the family more.
We should save more money.
We should pay off debt!
We should give away more money to charity.
I should really buy a rug for the living room.
I should buy only local food.
I should plant a garden.
We should go to the movies more!
I should be more productive at work.
I should take the girls at work to lunch more often.
I should spend more time on programs.
I should spend more time on fundraising.
I should be more attentive to the babycenter message board I host.
I should blog more!
I should really work on those scrapbooks of the kids' photos.
I should take more photos of the kids.
I have a feeling I'm not alone in this. (Please tell me I'm not alone in this.) I think a lot of moms ... a lot of women ... a lot of people in general feel like they're never good enough. But where does this come from? Sometimes it might come from other people's criticisms. But if you're like me, you make a criticism out of something that's not a criticism. When Blake says, "We are so behind on laundry!" what I hear is "Why are you such a terrible house keeper?" when what he probably really means is "We are so behind on laundry!"
I can tell you for certain where it doesn't come from: God. That unkind, impatient, judgmental voice is not His! Remember--He MADE us. And I bet He doesn't appreciate us slamming his creation so intensely and flippantly and often. This evening, I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Full disclosure--it was jar spaghetti sauce and frozen meatballs, and we didn't even have parmesan cheese or garlic bread. It didn't taste very good. I especially didn't like the new "heart healthy" sauce we bought to try out. Be that as it may, I was insulted when Blake said he wasn't a fan of the "low fat" meatballs (mind you, he picked them out so it was in no way a dig at me) and the kids didn't eat much of their dinner. I knew it had its flaws, but I MADE that for them, however crappy it was. Think how much more that God is hurt when He knits us together so delicately and intricately, and then we go complaining about our thighs and lack of math aptitude.
You know what's one of my favorite characteristics of God? His grace. He is perfect and powerful and so holy that it's unfathomable to us, and yet He loves us anyway. The greatest love we can imagine is the love we have for our children, and God loves us even more than that--enough to sacrifice his son. If He can love me that much, I should probably cut myself a little slack.
But, I don't hear God telling me, "You're enough, Colleen. Within you lies everything you need to keep all those kids alive, raise them to be amazing people, keep your marriage together despite the challenges, lead a nonprofit, talk on TV and in front of large crowds, figure out how to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for it, and all the while keep up with the insurmountable laundry and dishes and hungry bellies I have entrusted to you." That's one thing I have right--I am not enough.
But He is. And He's there to whisper in my ear "Remember that verse 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me''? ALL THE THINGS includes dishes and public speaking and disciplining small children. I don't have to be enough, and it's such a relief to take that pressure off myself. Come to think of it, all these "shoulds" are not so much insecurity as they are arrogance! Ouch. Instead:
I will thank God for these blessings.
I will turn my complaints into prayers.
I will try to see myself as He sees me.
I will go start a load of towels, and as I pass the other four baskets of dirty laundry, I will tell that negative inner voice to hush it.
Nate has been using his ipad for some assignments at school since he broke his arm. Tonight I found this story he wrote last week. I just copied and pasted it straight from his notes, and added a line after each paragraph. The rest is all him.
The mouse and a too bright sun.
One day a mouse was going to a icy hill to skate down it. Once the mouse got there then his dad and mom came to catch him if he falls on the ice below and brake his joints and bones.
He started to skate down the icy hill but the sun was to bright. The ice started to brake. He sled faster and faster . And he couldn't stop! His parents were so suprised that they screamed "MOUSY I WILL TRY TO CATCH YOU!!!" He kept going faster. His parents screamed again "I WILL TRY IM SORRY THAT THE SUN IS TOO BRIGHT FOR YOU!" But once he got down the icy hill he broke his bones ! Mousy's parents drove him to the hospital as fast as the car would go. Soon they were there . The hospital bone doctor let Mousy go to sleep and glued his bones back together as hard as he could .
When Mousy woke up he said to the doctor "what's your name?" My name is Austin doctor , Austin answered . When they were going home the dad said we shouldn't of skated down that big icy hill. "That's okay"said Mousy, "Now I'm fixed WOOOOOOOOO!" Once Mousy got to the house, Mousy and his Dad played trains all day . While they did, Mousy said "this is so fun!" So let's add roads and cars so they did. And they had fun happily ever after.
A few notes (from Colleen again):
Austin is Nate's middle name.
It just so happens that Nate's class has been learning about bones and joints at the same time he broke his arm, AND we saw a really cool bone chart when we went to get him fitted for his new braces at the orthotist. He's really into bones now.
I did not drive Nate to the hospital "as fast as the car would go" when he broke his arm! I know you were thinking that! I was driving the speed limit.
Every single day my kids crack me up with something, and by the next day I have forgotten half of those things. In an attempt to remember stuff, I'm writing everything I can recall from the last few weeks here, in no certain order.
***
One day we heard a commercial on the radio about a free country music concert downtown. I knew Nate's ears would perk up, so I listened closer. Sure enough, it was at a bar, and the commercial said you must be 21 to get in.
Nate: Mama! They said it's free! We need to go!
Me: Yeah, but they said you have to be 21 years old to go.
Nate: ... No, I'll be fine!
You can imagine the difficulty I had in explaining why you have to be 21. He just kept saying, "No, I'll be fiiiine!"
***
I was in the van with Georgia, and we passed a used car lot where all the cars had balloons on them.
Georgia: Mama ... can we get a balloon for our car someday? ... Maybe on somebody's birthday?
***
Me: Good morning, Nate. Do you remember what today is?
Nate: Granna and Pop are coming! OH! And Jesus is back!
Me: Wha? ... Oh, Easter is tomorrow, but I like your enthusiasm!
Now in my head, instead of "He is risen!" I think "Jesus is back!"
***
Georgia has been saying some seriously cute, cute little kid stuff during the weeks leading up to Easter. One day she started saying "Meeska, mooska, bunny egg, bandaid!" In her cute little voice, over and over again. She also made up a little song: "Clap your hands, shout hooray--hoo-ray! The hip hop bunny is on his way!" I must get this on video before she grows up and doesn't say silly stuff like this anymore.
***
Our cousin Nicole, who picks Nate up from school and watches him a lot, is pregnant. Yesterday he said to her: "Your baby is sooooo big! It's going to be 5 years old when it comes out!" I'm sure she appreciated that!
***
Last night Georgia was playing in her room. Nate was headed to his room in nothing but his undies to go put his pajamas on, and he stopped in Georgia's room.
Georgia: No, Nate! No naked boys in my room!
Me: That's a great rule. Let's remember that when you're older.
***
At the SBAK Easter Egg Hunt ...
Nate: Mama, look at that boy--he's bald!
(Bald boy's entire family looks at us.)
Me: Oh, um, yeah, he likes his head shaved, I guess!
(Boy's family smiles graciously.)
Nate: And look at that man over there! He's bald too!
Me: SHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
My friend Laura, standing near the "man over there": Hey, Colleen ... that stuff Nate said over there? We couldn't hear it at all. (wink)
***
Okay, my kids are a little obsessed with the idea of death. They talk about it a lot, and they often ask me how long till they die, how long till they go to heaven, etc. Yesterday, all of us in the car ...
Georgia: Who in our family is going to die first?
Me: No one except God knows when we're going to die, but it's probably going to be a long, long time for all of us.
Georgia: It'll probably be Daddy.
***
Nicole and Nate were talking about his school valentines, and Nicole teased him that she couldn't believe he didn't give her a valentine. He said, "Well, maybe I'm going to marry you someday ... but you'll probably be died."
***
Georgia thought she needed a bandaid for her finger one day at Bekah's, so she gave her one. Georgia smiled and said, "Bekah, you are just like Doc McStuffins!"
***
Getting ready for bed one night, Nate was irritated that his covers were all messed up. He worked hard to get them all straight, and with a big flourish at the end, he says, "Voy-la!" I laughed and told him how to pronounce "voila" correctly. He must have read that somewhere.
***
The single cutest thing Georgia has ever said in her life, said in a sweet little voice: I have a little sneeze snuck in my nose!
***
I was reading Nate's class newsletter, that said the students were working on writing narrative stories about events in their lives. I asked Nate what his story was about. He said, "One time I was at Granna's house eating Coco Puffs and I saw a bee." .... Ok, that will be a great story. And it has been months since we have been to Granna's house (in Ohio) so I don't know how that little incident has stuck out in his head so much that he's writing about it at school. Granna came to visit last weekend, and Nate saw a bug of some kind. He said, "It's kinda like that time I was at your house eating Coco Puffs and I saw a bee ..."
***
I hosted a Thirty-One party a couple weeks ago, and the kids were really excited that we would have people coming over to our house. On the way home we were talking about what we had to do to get ready for the party. Georgia said, "Nate can help daddy clean the basement, I can help Nicole with the purses ... and Bo can't do nuffin."
***
On April 1, the kids and I came up with some April Fools jokes to play on people. Nate came to work with me that day because it was during spring break. Blake came over to have lunch with us, and Nate hid and jumped out and yelled "April Fools!" Later, Nate and Georgia texted Granna and Pop to tell them their shoes were untied. :) And I made meatloaf "cupcakes" with mashed potatoes "frosting" and pea "sprinkles." The kids thought it was all hilarious and couldn't wait for Blake to come home to trick him. Then they realized they had to eat this for dinner. Georgia refused. I offered to cut it all up for her, and when she saw the inside she said, "Blech!! It's even more disgusting on the inside!" (She's three.)
***
Bo: Dada
That little traitor. After all I've done for him--carried him during the hottest summer in recent memory, had surgery to bring him into the world safely, nursed him and pumped milk for seven months to feed him ... and his first word is Dada.
***
Let me tell you about last Wednesday. After work I picked up the kids, went home, straightened the house, and our Medicaid lady came over for her monthly appointment. After she left, we had an appointment with a new therapist--a behavior therapist. I have been trying to get this set up for THREE MONTHS. Trying to get all the paperwork through, dealing with people who don't do their job well, and general red tape has left me really frustrated with this process (as usual) so I pushed to get this appointment that same night she called. This assessment was 2.5 hours long. While she asked me questions about Nate's behavior and what we want to work on, I was unloading the dishwasher, Nate and Georgia were being loud and obnoxious, Blake came home and started making dinner, and the baby was crying because he needed a nap. It was total chaos. Finally I sent the big kids to the basement to play. It's a finished basement with all their toys down there, but it has open wooden stairs to get there. We enjoyed a few minutes of relative quiet while Blake finished up dinner and the baby continued to fuss, until we heard Nate scream. We waited for a second to see if he was serious. He was serious. I looked down and saw him laying on the floor holding his arm. I carried him up the stairs (which is probably why my back has been bothering me ever since) and we tried to calm him down. You never know when these kids are just being extra dramatic. Blake tried to get some food in his belly between screams. The behavior therapist said she just had one page left and asked if I wanted her to come back. No way. I don't care if someone's dying, we've been waiting for this for three months and we are finishing it. There were too many people screaming (Nate about his arm, Georgia scared for Nate, and Bo so sleepy he couldn't stand it), so I took Bo upstairs and he was asleep the instant I put him down. We finished up the assessment. (One of her questions was, "Does he throw tantrums when he's in physical pain?" We both looked at Nate, then looked at each other, and she just started writing.) As she was leaving, I asked her if she had kids. She said no. I told her to go home and enjoy the quiet. She will probably never have children. After she left, I was right behind her, taking Nate to the ER.
When we got to the ER, he had stopped screaming but was still whimpering a lot and refused to walk. (?) As we wheeled him to a room in a wagon, the nurse asked him what happened. He talked nonstop "I was in the basement with my sister, and I was going up the stairs, but I decided to go back down, and I was on the third step, but I think I must have been on my tippy toes and I lost my balance and fell. It hurted worse than when I hit my nose, it hurt worse than anything ever. Mama gave me one tylenol ...." The nurse and I were trying to not laugh. When they sent him to xray, he told the xray tech he looked like the guy from Lady Antebellum. Sure enough, he broke his elbow. His elbow! They put a splint on it, which basically looks exactly like a cast but it's softer on one side to make room for any swelling. He did NOT want a cast and kept saying people would laugh at him and make fun of him. I assured him that people would think he was brave. As we were leaving the ER, he looked at the receptionists and lifted his splint and said, "Pretty funny lookin, huh?" The next day I stayed home with him but we had to go get a prescription filled and went to lunch with Blake. By then, let's just say he did not mind the attention. When he was sitting in a booth at McDonalds, he said, "Mama, no one can see my cast! I need for people to see it!"
***
So there you go, my funny kids. When they're not driving me crazy, they're making me laugh and melting my heart.
A few weeks ago, Nate told us about a boy in his class who had been teasing him. This boy excluded Nate from his birthday party, made fun of him on the playground, and implied he was a baby. Nate was really upset about it, and so were we. I emailed his teacher and asked if she had seen any of this behavior and asked if she had any suggestions for dealing with this. Then we had a long talk with Nate about how, unfortunately, all kids get made fun of at one point or another. The important thing to remember that he is liked and loved and this one kid's opinion doesn't really matter. The next day the school counselor had a talk with the boy, and ever since he has been very nice.
After hearing the details of this teasing, it was pretty obvious it was related to Nate having Spina Bifida. (I'm not one to jump to playing that card, but really, it was.) So I talked with the counselor and Nate's teacher about coming to speak to his class about Spina Bifida. Now, I talk to groups about Spina Bifida all the time. That's part of my job. At least a couple times a month I'm speaking to a college class or group for an hour or two at a time. But 6 and 7 year olds? Who happen to be in the same class as my son? That is way more intimidating.
On Thursday I was in a meeting with an SB clinic nurse, and I mentioned I would be talking to Nate's class the next day. She said she would love to see that so she can make suggestions to other parents about how to deal with teasing at school, so she came to observe the class! (Again, I've never done this. No pressure.) Nate was VERY excited about this, by the way. So after much thought, and practicing with Nate, here's what I came up with:
Me: Nate and I are here to talk to you about how we all have things in common but we have some differences too. So let's think about some things we have in common. Who here likes ... ice cream?
(Everyone raises hands excitedly)
Me: Who likes .... recess?
(Everyone raises hands. One kid asks what recess is, and another tells him that means playtime. Note to self: they don't call it recess anymore.)
Me: Who likes ... playing legos?
(Everyone raises hands.)
Me: Wow, we all have a lot in common! I bet we have some differences too, though. How many of you has a sister?
(About half raise their hands.)
Me: How many of you wear glasses?
(Not a dang one of them! But they wanted to tell me about their brothers/parents/grandparents who did.)
Me: How many of you are allergic to something?
(Ooh! Ooh! Like half of them were, and they all wanted to tell me what. That took a few minutes.)
Me: So we all have a lot in common, but we also have things about us that are different. That's not a bad thing, it just makes us interesting and special, right? Okay, one more. Who here has Spina Bifida?
Right on cue, Nate raised his hand, while all the kids looked around asking, "What's that?" So I asked Nate to tell them what it was.
Nate: Um, it's when a baby is born with a hole in its back.
Me: That's right. Inside your back is what's called your spine, and inside there is these things called nerves. Nerves make your muscles work. So when a baby has a hole in its back, those nerves can get damaged and not work as well. Sometimes that means the baby's legs are not as strong. Some kids even need to use a wheelchair. Do we know anyone who uses a wheelchair?
Kids: Ooh!!! Yeah! Olivia does! (Olivia is in their class but was not there that day.)
Me: Yes, Olivia does not have Spina Bifida, but kids need to use wheelchairs for all kinds of reasons. Now, does anyone know if Spina Bifida is contagious? Can you catch it?
Some of the kids: Yes, I think so.
Me: Nope, Spina Bifida is not contagious. You cannot catch it. You're either born with it or you aren't, and you can't get it later when you're older.
Kid: So what happens to the hole in the baby's back?
Me: Great question. A doctor does a surgery to close the hole in the back to keep it from getting damaged more. Do you know what a surgery is? It's what a doctor sometimes needs to do to fix a boo boo. And you know what's really cool? Nate had the hole in his back fixed before he was even born! When he was still in my belly! He's one of only a few hundred kids in the whole world who has done that!
Kids: Wow!!! That's so cool!
Me: Who was in Ms. McKinley's class last year with Nate?
(About 5 or 6 kids raise their hands.)
Me: Do you remember when Nate was gone for a really long time?
Kids: Yeah, he was gone forever!
Me: Nate, tell them what kind of surgeries you were having.
Nate: I had 3 surgeries on my back and one on my brain!
Kids: Whoah!!!
Me: Nate, do you want to show them the scar on your back?
Nate hopped up and I lifted his shirt in the back. At first, some of the kids were kind of horrified.
Me: It doesn't hurt him! He can't even feel it. Sometimes he forgets it's even back there.
Nate: I call it my train tracks.
Kids: Hey, it does look like train tracks! Yeah, like train tracks going up a hill. Hey, Nate's mom? You could take a picture of his back and show it to him. Or you could sit him on the bathroom sink and let him look at his back.
Me: Those are all great ideas!
Then I showed a slideshow of pictures from when Nate was born through now. I wish I could show it on here, but I don't know how to upload a powerpoint presentation. I was careful to choose photos that weren't at all sad. But I did include some of him with equipment, like in his stander (banging on my laptop), in his walker (in an Elmo costume), and in a wheelchair (after his surgery, again in costume) as well as some of him just looking cute or holding his siblings as babies. All the kids laughed and oohed and aahed and said "how cute!" I set it to this song, which I love and think is perfect and positive and just long enough: What I am by Will.I.Am on Sesame Street. For anyone who wants to use this, I could not find it on iTunes, so I had to download it from mp3Skull or something like that? It looked kind of sketchy but I haven't had problems so far.
Me: So, Nate, what kinds of things do you need to do because you have Spina Bifida?
Nate: Like, PT and OT?
Me: Yeah, tell us what you do in PT and OT.
Nate: I run and ride a bike and walk on a treadmill and color and cut, and I've gotten to swim before and ride a horse.
Kids: Wow, cool!
Me: Do you like PT and OT?
Nate: Yeah, they're fun.
Me: And what about those things you wear on your feet?
Nate: Oh, these are my braces (lifting pants up). They help me run faster.
I had brought a couple pairs of his old braces and passed them around so everyone could see and touch them.
Me: Is there anything that's harder for you because you have Spina Bifida?
Nate: Well, it's harder to jump rope.
Me: So I hear you guys have been jumping rope in gym, right? Well, Nate gets frustrated because it's hard for him. So you know what I tell him?
Kids: When something is hard, just keep practicing! Hey, Nate's mom? I'm really good at jumping rope--I can teach him!
Me: That is very thoughtful! Yes, if he wants to be good at jumping rope, he will need to practice. But you know what else? We all don't have to be good at everything. Even if he's never good at jumping rope, that's ok because Nate is good at lots of other things. Like spelling--Nate is a great speller! And he's also very musical. Nate, what kinds of instruments do you play at home?
Nate: Guitar, piano, drums, harmonica, accordion ... and probably some others.
Okay, let's pause here. Remember the kid who had bullied Nate a few weeks ago? He raised his hand and said, "Nate's mom? Can Nate come over to my house so we can start a band?
My heart melted.
Me: That's a great idea! Who else wants to be in the band?
(Everyone wanted to be in the band.)
Me: So that's what we wanted to tell you--that even though we all have some things that are different about us, we still have a lot of stuff in common and those differences just make us special. Does anyone have questions?
Kid: Does Spina Bifida hurt?
Me: Does it look like Nate hurts? (At this moment, Nate was doing a little jumpy dance. Everyone laughed and said nooooooo.)
So that was the gist of it. I was so happy with how it went. And do you know what's crazy? The little former bully is now Nate's best friend, and they sit together at lunch every day. I don't presume this will prevent all future bullying. But for now, his classmates totally accept him.
Me: I am sick with the worst sore throat I have had in memory, a fever last night, stuffy head, etc. So late last night I had to cancel my plans for this afternoon to volunteer as an escort for a child at a fashion show hosted by a local pediatric therapy center. I was paired with "Trenton," who I've never met and I don't know what kind of special needs he has, but I certainly didn't want to get him sick. So instead I'm sitting on the couch watching Nick Jr. and it's obvious I can't find much to do since I'm updating the blog. :) It was really just a matter of time before I got sick, with as little sleep as I've been getting and various bugs going around. This week I had my second meeting with the Commonwealth Council on Developmental Disabilities. (I went to one in May, missed the one in August because it was on Bo's birthday, and thankfully this one was held in Louisville so I didn't have to travel for it.) I'm not quite up to speed just yet, but it's a super interesting group to be a part of.
Blake: He has not gotten sick yet, but it's really just a matter of time. Which is unfortunate because, like most men, he's kind of a baby when he's sick. (You know it's true, babe.) Anyway, I am always so thankful that Blake has found a job that he loves and also that he is really great at. (He is in home loans, mostly refi's.) Last week he was rewarded with getting a personal assistant to help him be even more successful. I'm proud of him! And last week he was among the top 10 producers at his office who were invited to dinner with the vice president of the company and some other big wigs. I'm proud of him!
Nate: He has been sick this week too, but I think he's on the upswing. He missed 3 days of school due to a consistent and sometimes high (103.8!) fever. I took him to the doctor twice because I'm paranoid about pneumonia, but his lungs were clear and I have to remember that he hasn't been hospitalized with pneumonia since he was 3. Maybe we have outgrown his preemie lung issues now. He was a tough little guy this week and handled being sick better than I am.
In other news, I've recently been a little concerned about whether he is making friends at school. I told him he could invite one of his friends for a play date, and he chose the little girl who sits next to him. He asked her, and I sent a note home to her parents, but I haven't heard from them and now the little girl has been mysteriously moved to another table. Maybe just a coincidence. Maybe she doesn't want to invite a boy over to play. And last night Nate told us there was a little boy at school who said Nate couldn't come to his birthday party, where they are going to shoot BB guns (?!) because it's too dangerous for Nate. Of course my mommy heart gets all hurt, more than Nate's does, and all we know is Nate's side of the story. Last night Blake and I were talking about what to "do" about this (because we always have to "do" something). Blake and I struggled with this before he was born. What if he doesn't have any friends? What if he is made fun of? Well, then he was born and we saw how awesome he is. And we realized that we were both made fun of as kids and when that happened, all we could control was how we reacted to it. So our "plan" is to give Nate a home life that is as stable as possible, love him unconditionally, and work intentionally to give him the self confidence to handle life's certain rejections. And we pray that Nate (and Georgia and Bo, as well as Blake and I) will be blessed with a few good friends in his life. For good measure, we give him opportunities to make friends at Cub Scouts, Bible study, SBAK playgroups, church, etc. Oh, and we had a long talk about how even though that little boy invited everyone but Nate to his party, if we had a party, we would still invite that little boy because it's the right thing to do. :)
Georgia: My girl is sick with me today. She woke up with a fever this morning. She's been laying around watching Nick Jr. with me and sometimes crafting. At SBAK we need about 200 kid-made bead candy cane ornaments, and I have a little sweat shop set up in the kitchen. Georgia is such a character lately and comes out with the funniest things. Last night she was playing with an app on my phone, and it wouldn't work how she wanted it to, and I hear her say, "This is ridiclious!" One night she had some of her play kitchen supplies, and she held up a plastic glass and said, "Nate, let's pretend that this is breakable and you touch it." Nate dutifully touched the cup, and Georgia said very calmly, "Nate, that's breakable, don't touch it." Game over. I cracked up laughing and she got mad at me. You can't laugh at anything she says, or she'll hide her face and get all pouty.
Seriously, every time I try to blog, I remember why I haven't blogged in 2 months. It is nearly impossible to sit down for more than 45 seconds at a time around here. At all times of the day and night, someone needs either a snack or a drink or to go potty or to be put in time out or to be nursed or put down for a nap. Whew! But I'm almost done.
Bo: He's been the angel this morning, sleeping in his swing for the past hour and a half. He is getting easier. We have had a rough time with him. Like my other two did as babies, Bo has reflux. But I think his has been worse than when they had it, or maybe it's just that I have forgotten exactly how bad it was. We have desperately tried everything. Zantac, prevacid, probiotics, even seeing a chiropractor! Even though he still spits up a lot, he is happier now. I don't know what did it, or if he is just outgrowing it, but things are getting better. Still, there are many nights that I don't sleep because of a crying baby. Little mister will be 3 months old on Black Friday. :)
Sometimes it feels like we have it somewhat together, like the couple of times we have actually all gone out together as a family or had people over for dinner. And then other times, not so much. Like right now, I look out on my back deck and see that both kids left their winter coats outside all night last night. haha! And Georgia is walking around in a long sleeve shirt, undies, and uggs. It's certainly never boring.
But then I think about this time last year when we were stuck in Boston with Nate recovering from the last of 3 surgeries and how thankful we were to be home for Thanksgiving. I think about that often, and how thankful I am for the chaos of family and home.
I had about 6 weeks for "maternity leave." I use quotations because I worked a lot during this time and have been working part-time from home the last two weeks. At a small nonprofit, stuff has to get done. And maybe I'm a workaholic or a control freak ... I don't know, you'd have to ask my coworkers and I don't really want to know. :) But I love my job and chose to do it this way, so it's all good.
Bo is 5 weeks old today!
A couple hours ago I checked the calendar and told Blake he was 6 weeks old! How did that happen! And after announcing it to lots of people I realized that I had counted wrong. Blame it on sleep deprivation and a head cold.
We had his one month check up last week, and he was 9 pounds, 3 ounces, up 7 ounces from his birth weight (after losing and regaining a whole pound). The doctor and nurse went on and on about how long he was, but if the measurements were correct, he is 50th percentile for height and weight and in the 25th percentile for head. He's perfect!
We have had some rough days and nights. At first it was his reflux. I asked the doctor for meds for it and the first ones didn't work well. After we switched him to zantac, that has gotten so much better! Then immediately following that was terrible painful gas. He screamed in pain for like 2 days straight. Must have been something I ate, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. But he's recovered from that, and now for the most part he is pretty happy! (As I type this he is making a liar out of me.)
I wouldn't say he's sleeping "well" but his first sleep of the night is getting a little longer. After that he tends to want to nurse the rest of the night, which is not conducive to mama sleeping.
Bo has been to the babysitter's house and Nicole's house and with Blake a few times as I've needed to go to appointments or work meetings, and he takes a bottle surprisingly well! So far no issues with that!
Fact: It is impossible to blog with a newborn and a 3 year old in tow. So that's it for now. :)
I'm not going to be all "It's wonderful and rainbows and kittens," because in the time it has taken me to write this much, I have already threatened the two big kids and scooped myself a big bowl of ice cream. And I'm trying to type quickly before the baby wakes up screaming.
Bo
Little dude is two weeks old tomorrow. His birth weight was 8 pounds 12 ounces (still shocked about that one), and he lost about a pound over the next few days. Doctors like for babies to regain their birth weight by two weeks. I took Bo for a weight check today, and he's at 8 pounds 7 ounces. But no one seems concerned. He's nursing great and obviously gaining. Today I put him in a 0-3 month outfit because all of his newborn clothes are getting too snug! I thought for sure he'd be in those for at least a month.
Like I said, he's nursing great ... and a lot. On Saturday, I was stuck on the couch with him allll day long. He'd nurse, then fall asleep, and as soon as I put him down he would start crying and the only thing that would help would be to nurse him again. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
He also sleeps great ... as long as I am not trying to sleep, or eat, or get something done. And he fakes me out. I'll put him down and he'll be so quiet and peaceful, then I'll lay down and close my eyes and start to drift off ... then he'll start fussing. I admit to shedding a few tears between the hours of 3-5am.
*** Reality update. I may or may not have just said, "Do not put the baby wipe back in the container. Do you hear what I am saying. Why did you just put the wipe back in the container? Can you hear me? Why does no one listen to a word I say? Both of you, go upstairs and play because mama is getting ready to lose it."****
Nate
Nate is adjusting to having a new baby in the house exactly as I expected, and exactly how he acted when Georgia arrived. It does not affect him in the least. He's busy with first grade, and playing leggos and trains and hide and seek with Georgia and just the every day life of a six year old boy. Don't get me wrong, he likes Bo, thinks he's cute, likes to look at him from time to time. But babies don't really do anything. When Bo starts walking, I predict Nate will be more interested in him.
So far he's doing great at school and likes his teacher. A new thing this year is that he is actually telling me some of the stuff that happened at school. One day he came home and was tripping over his words, he was talking so fast, to tell me that someone came to school to talk to them about Boy Scouts, and every time he said a fun activity the boys were supposed to wiggle, and it sounds awesome, and it's at 7 o'clock at night, and we needed to go! I told him we'd talk to daddy about it. Then when he saw the neighbor boy, he excitedly said, "I joined Boy Scouts!" Oh well, I guess we're joining Boy Scouts then. Blake took him to the orientation the next night, and he's super excited about it too.
***Reality update--The kids were begging for string cheese and they couldn't find it in the fridge, but in order to avoid getting up I suggested they get Rice Krispies treats out of the pantry. Not my best mommy moment.***
Georgia
Oh. Georgia is in heaven. She has been such a mommy to her baby dolls since she was a baby herself, and now she has a real live baby here to hug and kiss and fuss over and cover with blankets and fetch things for. She is fascinated by Bo. She really is a big helper. And the hugs and kisses are endless. She asks several times a day if she can hold him, and she gets the boppy pillow and puts it on her lap to get ready for him. It's really, really cute. Even though sometimes it's extra work to keep her involved, I try my best to not lose patience with her and to encourage that caring attitude.
Yesterday, Georgia went back to Bekah the babysitter's house for the fall. She hadn't been since May, and she was so excited to go back. She loves Bekah and the kids there. It gives me time to spend with just Bo, and it's good for her to get back on a schedule.
*** Reality update--The kids are upstairs being really quiet, and it's making me nervous, but I also don't want to disturb the quiet by asking what they are up to. I'll regret this later.***
Blake
Blake and I understand our roles pretty well by now, with the 3rd kid. He knows that newborns pretty much just want their mamas, and he needs to help out with the big kids. In fact, he's been superdad for awhile now, during my last weeks of pregnancy when I felt terrible and had no energy, and now when I'm chained to the couch by a fussy baby. He gets the kids up and gets them ready for school/sitter's house (with just a little help from me with choosing clothes that actually match for Georgia and fixing her hair and a couple other little things), goes to work, and is home in time for Nate's nightly bathroom routine and bedtime.
On Monday (Labor Day), Bo and I had barely slept the night before, and Nate and Georgia really needed to get out of the house, so Blake took them to a fun church carnival while Bo and I napped. When they got home, I asked how it went. Both kids said, "Great! So much fun!" Blake said he never wanted to go again. The kids cried and whined and threw fits the whole time. Georgia wanted to be carried because the ground was a little wet and she was wearing sandals. He came home with a back ache and laid on the couch the rest of the day. The kids can't wait to go back next year.
***Reality update--Did you know that when you have 3 kids, at least one is unhappy at all times? Have you ever tried to cut a piece of toast with peanut butter into bite size pieces with one hand while holding a screaming newborn in the other arm? I have!***
Colleen
I would like to shout this from the rooftops--I feel GREAT!!! Yes, I'm so tired, and I sometimes have little pangs of pain from my incision, and I've had a migraine more days than not since having Bo. But, I'm not pregnant anymore. Sorry to say this, Bo, because I would do it all over again for you in a heartbeat, but I was pretty much miserable during my whole pregnancy. Now, I can eat toast with jelly for breakfast without having a hypoglycemic crash about an hour later. My feet are not swollen 3 times their original size, and it doesn't hurt to walk! I have energy! My back doesn't feel like it's breaking every time I get out of bed. My hips don't hurt! I. FEEL. GREAT.
I had my first post-partum appointment yesterday, and I'm healing really well. The nurse practitioner was surprised that this was my 4th c-section (counting fetal surgery) and my scar looks great. Best of all, I have dropped 20 pounds! And I only gained 15 during the whole pregnancy, so I'm actually down 5 pounds from my first appointment! (Disclaimer: I don't recommend pregnancy as a weight loss method. I still look about 4 months along and have stretch marks for the first time.)
I have realized something since Aug. 23. I had forgotten how totally, head over hills in love a mother falls for her babies. I was excited for Bo to get here and all. But holy cow, I love that baby so hard it brings tears. I forgot that part. I remembered the newborn phase as a blur of sleeplessness and waaaaahs and spit up and just surviving. I forgot the great parts. Like holding him in a little lump on my chest while he sleeps. I love that. And him thinking I'm the only person in the world. And being so proud to show him to the few people we've seen when going to doctor appointments and such.
We have our ups and downs. But I wouldn't trade these 3 awesome kids and husband for anything. And I plan on enjoying every minute of Bo's babyhood ... before he starts whining and fighting with his big brother and sister. So the reality is, it's not all rainbows and butterflies, but I think we're doing pretty great.
Thursday, Aug. 23 was the big day. Blake and I woke up early, and my parents got here to watch the kids until Nicole could get here to get Nate ready for school. Here's the last picture of the pregnant belly. Blake said it was my biggest pregnant belly yet.
At the hospital, we were in triage for a couple of hours getting my IV, answering questions, meeting the doctors, etc. I warned everyone that I always, always get sick with anesthesia, so they took every measure possible to help prevent that.
I didn't remember the c-section being so unpleasant. The spinal block was difficult to get in, every medication made me nauseous, and I was just generally uncomfortable and concentrating on not throwing up. By the time they let Blake in, I said, "I'm so glad we're not doing this again."
Eventually it was baby time! They held him up over the curtain, and he was huge! I was expecting a tiny baby like Nate and Georgia, but this kid had fat rolls! I had told everyone that he would be 7 pounds tops. I even dug out a couple of Nate's old preemie sleepers to bring to the hospital in case the newborn ones were too big. Blake went over to him while they were cleaning him up and I was straining to listen to what they were saying. I heard, "20 inches ... 8-12." I say, "8-12?! What is that, his weight?!" This child was 8 pounds, 12 ounces.
They were also assessing his breathing. His cries sounded more like Nate's (meowing) than Georgia's (loud screams). They said he needed some oxygen and would need to go to the NICU to get checked out. You can see he looks a little dusky in the pictues.
They did bring him over to me to give kisses, and he was so fat and soft. :) At this point, I was feeling awful. I guess I was losing more blood than my doctor wanted me to. She also did a tubal ligation while putting me back together.
In the NICU, he needed a nasal cannula and a little oxygen. Apparently they did a chest x-ray and gave him antibiotics, but he didn't have pneumonia. In the meantime, I was in recovery with my mom and Mindy, and then back to a postpartum room to work on feeling stable and moving my lower body enough to get in a wheelchair.
I think it was about 4 hours before I felt well enough to take a ride to the NICU.
But mama was lucky enough to get to hold him for the first time, and see him open his eyes for the first time. :)
Because he was in the NICU, the kids could not go up to see him that evening. They were fine with it--they were just so excited that grandparents were in town and they could come visit me. It was a big exciting day!
Uncle Lucas and soon-to-be Aunt Amy came to visit that evening, and I went up again with them. Then by night I got some of my wires and tubes off and felt well enough to walk up there all by myself and deliver some milk! He was not allowed to eat anything though while on oxygen (still not sure why that rule). The next morning when I went up, they told me they had taken the oxygen off of him at midnight, and the doctors said I could try to nurse him. So I did! And he did great! He's a natural.
The next morning while Nate was at school, Georgia came with Blake to visit me for a little while.
Blake and I went back up to the NICU again, and I was able to nurse him again. After that, he was cleared to go to the regular nursery and hang out in my room!
The kids came over after Nate got out of school to welcome him to my room and meet him for the first time.
They were very interested in looking at him from afar, but didn't want to get too close. They were a little intimidated.
Getting a family picture was a huge undertaking. Everyone was looking different ways, the kids were making funny faces ... I guess that's life for the next several years!
Friday night, Bo roomed in with me. This kid woke up every 15 minutes fussing about something. I felt so bad for him because it seemed he was having belly issues, but I was also so crazy tired! Welcome back to life with a newborn! Of course as soon as it was daylight he slept like a log.
Memaw stayed with the kids Saturday and later came to the hospital to meet Bo. Uncle Brian, Aunt Sunny, and Koko came to meet him too. He also had his hospital photos that day.
On Sunday we got Bo all dressed up in his coming home outfit, I got showered and ready to leave, and we packed up the room. The pediatrician discharged Bo, and then the doctor on duty from my OB office came by to check me out. I told her I was having headaches, just like when I was breastfeeding Georgia. She started asking me questions, and one thing led to another, and she wanted blood work to check for post-partum HELPP syndrome. The blood work came back a little off, and the nurse shocked me when she said the doctor wanted to keep me another night! Oh no! I was not expecting that at all. Better safe than sorry, I guess.
By the next morning, my blood work looked better, we put Bo's coming home outfit back on him :) and by late afternoon we were finally able to come home. The kids go about their usual business, but stop every now and then to check on Bo and ask questions about him. For example, this morning Georgia said, "Why is he still here?" I said, "Because he lives here!"
Now there. That looks like a complete family. :) Welcome to the crazy family, Bowen Robert!
It's 10:30 pm on the night before you are to be born by scheduled c-section. I'm eating a bowl of popcorn because I'm not supposed to eat or drink after midnight. Before we meet tomorrow, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on my pregnancy with you. For nearly 9 months now, it's been just you and me. Tomorrow I will have to share you. :)
It hasn't been my easiest pregnancy. It hasn't been my hardest either. Nate takes that prize. But after my pregnancy with Georgia, I thought my body just handled pregnancy really well. Add in taking care of your two siblings and a full time job and the hottest summer on record ... it wasn't so easy this time. I've been tired. I've been uncomfortable. I've had really bad heartburn. And vertigo! That's a new one! How did you make that happen? My feet have swollen up to 3 times their normal size. A few weeks ago I decided I would resign myself to wearing my favorite flip flops every single day, even with dress clothes to work, and while I was just sitting at my desk, one of the straps popped off. I felt like the hulk. I had to buy new shoes, in a bigger size, and they are still too small. I really hope my feet go back to their original size. Tonight my feet are especially bad. Your daddy is horrified and is not hiding it well.
I've had some interesting cravings. During the first trimester, you only wanted fruits and vegetables. I couldn't eat unhealthy even if I tried. You wanted salad and watermelon and pineapple. I ate so much pineapple! Then it started giving me heartburn. By the second trimester, you mellowed a little and allowed me some sweets. That's when I started craving banana pudding. There's a Kroger down the road from work that had pretty awesome banana pudding. And miraculously, Chik-Fil-A came out with a banana pudding milkshake. I also ate more Taco Bell Nachos Bel Grande than I have in all the years since college. And in this last trimester, my only real craving has been ice. I need ice all the time. Probably a little anemic, sorry.
Thankfully, the one really cool thing my body does is not gain much weight during pregnancy. Last check I had gained 8 pounds. You wouldn't be able to tell it by looking at me though--I have had this ridiculously large belly, showing pretty good since about 16-18 weeks. At 37 weeks, I get looks of horror and amusement when I am out and about. The Shrek feet probably don't help.
I have to admit, I've had an underlying anxiety my whole pregnancy with you. A couple of times I realized I was just waiting for something bad to happen. I felt like a ticking time bomb. Mainly I was worried you would be premature or that my uterus would just pop open at some point. I'm so relieved that you have stayed put and look healthy, and I'm confident in your safe delivery tomorrow. I guess I finally realized, thanks to some good friends, that all this fear is just a lack of faith. Do I trust God? Do I really know that he loves you even more than I do? Yes, I trust God. I have no reason to fear.
About your name: Bowen Robert. Bowen was my last name until I married your daddy. It's pretty cool having a maiden name that you can give a child for a first name. Last year I was listening to the radio, and there was some Christian singer, I can't even remember who now, who said he had two little boys named Bo and Tate. I thought that was the cutest thing ever. Then I realized I already had a Nate and all I needed was a Bo. I don't think our family would have ever been complete without a Bo! Just fyi, Bowen was on our list of names each pregnancy. It was our leading name with baby #1, but when we saw Nate on ultrasound, he just did not look like a Bo. He looked like a Nate. It was also on the list for #2 had she been a boy. I was so glad I could finally use your name the 3rd go round ... and that you looked like a Bo on ultrasound!
Your middle name, Robert, is after a very special man you'll never meet. Daddy's stepfather, Bob/GrandBob, died way too young from cancer last year. He was a good man, and we promise to tell you about your namesake. I don't really know how things work up in heaven. Maybe you've already met him.
I can't wait to see who you look like. Whether you have red hair like me and Nate or brown hair like Daddy and Georgia. It sure would be a shock if you had blonde hair! Honestly, we'll all be surprised if you have much hair at all. Nate and Georgia were both pretty much bald for the first year.
Oh, your brother and sister are so excited to meet you!!! It's going to be Nate's 3rd day of first grade, so he wants to go to school and then come to the hospital right after school to see you. He says he's going to help by changing your diapers. We'll see! I have to warn you that Georgia will probably be your second mommy. She is always trying to hug you through my belly and talk to you and hear what you have to say. She says she's going to feed you bottles and give you your paci when you cry. Keep an eye on those pacis. She only stopped taking one a few months ago, and I see the way she looks at the ones we've bought you! They are great kids, and you're so lucky to have them as your siblings. If you decide to like trains, you'll fit right in.
Well, kid, I have to get up really early in the morning to go to the hospital to meet you. I'm going to try to get some rest, but I know I probably won't sleep much. Take it easy on me in the next few weeks, ok? I really don't do well with sleep deprivation. And just go along with the nursing thing without giving me too much trouble. It will be easier on both of us. I love you before I've even met you! See you tomorrow, baby boy.
